Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The G-Chat Diaries, Vol. 5

Today on The G-Chat Diaries, we have an historic first...the addition of Chatter Y! Enjoy our inanity.

WWW: Simple Minds takes me back to high school more than any band.

Chatter X: Why do they do that?

WWW: Because of their John Hughes thing I think.

Chatter X: Don't they know you're not in high school anymore?

WWW: Yes, but they also know I cheated on my math final.

Chatter X: Well, it's nice of them to come all the way from Scotland to take you back to school.

WWW: Well, they were coming to visit Chrissie Hynde anyway.

Chatter X: They're divorced!

WWW: They are? Hey, Depeche Mode is playing the one song of theirs I actually like.

Chatter X: Personal Jesus?

WWW: YES. How did you know?

Chatter X: That's everyone's "only song by Depeche Mode I like"

Chatter X: They've been divorced for a long time. Oh, you can invite Chatter Y back.


Chatter Y: Well that sucked.

WWW: Like anyone else even knows they were married.

Chatter X: Everyone knows they were married.

Chatter Y: Who were married?

Chatter X: Okay, we'll see if you know. Chrissie Hynde and...

Chatter Y: I have absolutely no idea who Chrissie Hynde is married to or was married to. Nor do I even know who the hell Chrissie Hynde is. Though I think she is in the music business and you now will laugh at me for not knowing.

Chatter X: HA HA HA

WWW: HAHAHAHAHA. She's Googling it!

Chatter X: I'm laughing so hard I'm choking. I just loved the way you stated that.

WWW: And how you knew we would point and laugh.

Chatter X: Like you're so ashamed and angry that you don't know something that you think you should know.

Chatter Y: She's some sort of rocker chick I think.

Chatter X: Chrissie Hynde is the lead singer from The Pretenders.

Chatter Y: Yep, see?

WWW: I guess that's a no on who she was married to then?

Chatter X: And she was married to the dude from Simple Minds.

Chatter Y: I had no idea.

Chatter X: You're so lucky I'm not a hipster asshole.

Chatter Y: No shit.

WWW: I am.

Chatter Y: I used to pretend I knew shit with people, now I'm just honest. They can kiss my ass.

Chatter X: Oh, that reminds me. I found a new blog today. http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com/

Chatter Y: Hahahaha. I love the title.

Chatter X: Me too. It's kind of like Fuck You Penguin, only for hipsters and with not as many words. And probably not as funny. WWW and I were talking about starting a blog in the vein of FUP...Fuck You, Illegal Alien. Or maybe Fuck You, Immigrant.

Chatter Y: Hahahahaha. That would be so inflammatory.

Chatter X: But then my mind went blank. I couldn't think of any funny entries.

WWW: Yeah, I had to do all the work.

Chatter X: Of course he came up with something funny right off the bat.

WWW: As usual.

Chatter Y: I just wish I had thought of FUP first. I kicked myself when I saw it.

Chatter X: I know...it's so simple.

Chatter Y: So easy. So brilliant.

Chatter X: Like, why didn't i invent the Snuggie? I kick myself every day over that.

WWW: That's how I felt when I saw the Imaginary Reviewer. Because I wanted to do reviews of mundane things like doorknobs and gravity. It's not the same, but it's close enough. And he's too good at it.

Chatter Y: I know - and you know those guys who sell that thing DIDN'T EVEN INVENT IT...The Slanket and others were first.

WWW: The Slanket sounds dirty.

Chatter X: Well, Slanket is just an awful name. it deserves to lose its market share.

Chatter X: It sounds like a Russian prostitute.

WWW: "Did you see his new girlfriend? She is a total dirty slanket."

Chatter X: Svetlana the Slanket.

Chatter Y: It totally sounds like that!

Chatter X: slut/strumpet/skank

WWW: Russian names are hot.

13 metawords:

red said...

Depeche Mode sucks...even Personal Jesus.

words...words...words... said...

Depeche Mode is a thousand monkeys and "Personal Jesus" is Hamlet.

Anonymous said...

Are these conversations held in your head because if they are you just became so much cooler to me.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Ahahaha! Slanket! That's too funny! And a mention, too...many thanks! I totally think you should review other things, it's not as if I'm the first person to review imaginary things...

Anonymous said...

That hipster website is hilarious. It's like...the entire city of Portland if it were to be on a webpage.

word verification: pulise

That kinda sounds dirty, too.

Soda and Candy said...

Your mom is a slanket.

Anonymous said...

I could think of a million entries for Fuck You Illegal Alien. But then again, I live in a sanctuary city, so it's expected.

words...words...words... said...

Nikki: Yes. They absolutely are.

IR: Perhaps I will. It's not as if I'm busting with brilliant ideas to fill this ravenous gaping maw of a blog with.

Tales: I would not be surprised at all if that blog is Portland-based. Either that or Berkeley. And I'm killing myself trying to think of a dirty meaning for "pulise".

S&C: She's your mom too, sis.

Kimizzy: Me too on both counts! Also, I'll be needing a note explaining your recent unauthorized absence.

Soda and Candy said...

nice try, Irishman.

; )

Gwen said...

Depeche Mode's new song "Wrong" is just that, wrong.

BeckEye said...

These people are awesome. SRSLY.

H said...

LOL - that was great. I wish Gwen and I were smart enough to at least record our conversations but they probably wouldn't make sense to anyone but us anyway.

sidenote: I went to school at Kent State which is located near where Chrissi Hynde grew up (Akron, OH). I used to go see her brother play in a band I believe was called The Numbers Band. Never met her though. Ok so maybe not so interesting. Pfft.

Falwless said...

OMG, who's the loser who didn't know who Chrissie Hynde was?!?!?! HAHAHAHAAHHA

Man. You need to get cooler friends.