Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
WWW: I win!
Chatter X: you get a cookie!
WWW: Woo hoo! What kind?
Chatter X: Chocolate chip.
WWW: Mmmm. A classic.
Chatter X: It's the doggy style of cookies.
WWW: No, I think it's the missionary position of cookies.
Chatter X: Sugar cookies are the missionary.
WWW: Sandwich cookies are doggy style.
WWW: No, vanilla wafers are the missionary. Or maybe vanilla wafers are twin beds and frustrated masturbation.
Chatter X: Sandwich cookies aren't that satisfying. They're the quick hand job of cookies.
WWW: The doggy cookies should be fairly common but yet with a rep for being fancy and unusual. Maybe Fig Newtons.
Chatter X: Shortbread?
WWW: Oh, that's not bad. But with the English connotation, maybe they should be the London Bridge of cookies.
WWW: I’ve got it…doggy is Pepperidge Farm cookies.
Chatter X: MILANO!!!
Chatter X: Is a London Bridge like an Eiffel Tower?
WWW: I don't know what an Eiffel Tower is.
Chatter X: To the Urban Dictionary!
WWW: A London Bridge is two girls straddling a dude, one on his cock and one on his face, while they make out.
WWW: I bet an Eiffel Tower is the same thing but with three dudes.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Adam Schlesinger is one of the best pop/rock songwriters of the last 20 years, and this is right up there with his best. If you don't hear this song and want to pull off your tie and run out the door into the Friday sunshine, I don't want to know you.
Enjoy and have a great weekend!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Now they have re-released MY flavor under a new name, Gingersnap. Apparently the strongly-worded letter I detailed in the previous entry had no effect. The problem is, I cannot think of a way to word my distaste any more strongly. What should I say to them this time? I know some of you people have even filthier mouths than I do. It is your time to shine.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Chatter X: Fun fact: I just had to correct the spelling of “Boyz II Men” in someone's essay.
WWW: Awesome. Did you have to correct it because they spelled it...correctly?
Chatter X: Hee, you guessed it!
WWW: I hope they even used the word "to" instead of II.
Chatter X: They did! "Boys To Men".
WWW: That makes it even better.
Chatter X: It's fun to be the 30-something teacher correcting the whacked-out spelling of an R&B artist's name.
WWW: Oh, the irony. I think you just made it into the G-Chat Diaries.
Chatter X: w00t!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I was talking with a friend about the recent signing of Michael Crabtree by the San Francisco 49ers. Crabtree was the last draft pick to sign, waiting until four games into the season to realize that he can't make any money until he signs a contract. I said that I thought Crabtree's attitude and long holdout would make him a bust. My friend, who is a Raider fan (poor guy) agreed and hilariously added that the Raiders would find a way to give the New England Patriots their first round pick for him. I decided to try to figure out a way that this could be possible, despite the fact that the Patriots are not involved in these events at all. This is what I came up with:
1. Crabtree is a bust and the 49ers cut him after the 2011 season because they can't find a trade partner.
2. Several teams show mild interest, but a humbled Crabtree chooses the Patriots and their offer of the league minimum for the chance to be Bill Belichick's next reclamation project and to catch passes from Tom Brady in the twilight of his career.
3. The Patriots showcase Crabtree in several preseason games, forcing him the ball in the second half against soon-to-be-unemployed defenders. "Unnamed sources" whisper that the team is high on him and he is expected to start.
4. Hearing the rumor, the Raiders offer their first round pick in 2013 and undrafted rookie wide receiver Alan Smithee for Crabtree. The Patriots "grudgingly" accept.
5. The cryogenically frozen head of Al Davis declares a new age of vertical offense in Oakland, built around the talents of Crabtree and rookie QB Ken Stabler, Jr. Davis' head refers to the Raiders as "an elite NFL franchise" six times in the four-minute press conference.
6. The Raiders start the 2012 season 0-6. Crabtree and offensive coordinator Art Shell (on his fourth tour of duty) get into a shoving match on the sideline during a 37-6 loss to the Chiefs.
7. The Raiders collapse and finish 3-13, securing the first pick in the 2013 draft...for the Patriots. Meanwhile, in New England, Alan Smithee catches 89 passes and wins the Offensive Rookie Of The Year award.
8. The Patriots make 17 trades on draft day, eventually parlaying the #1 pick and some spare parts into the entire third round of the draft.
Go on, tell me it's that unreasonable.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Someone I work with was pulling into their parking spot on the lot when a golf cart screamed around a corner like it was 11:58 and they were trying to return a movie to Blockbuster.1 The path of the cart was perpendicular to the car, so the cart had to swerve to avoid T-boning it. Swerve it did...right into a concrete wall. We heard it immediately from our office, and rushed out expecting to see two crumpled cars. Instead we saw a golf cart against the wall with the windshield in pieces on the ground and the driver looking spooked and sheepish, which is a really difficult combination of looks to pull off. Curiously, he didn't drive off in the cart. He put the broken pieces of windshield in the bed and wandered off without it. I hope he didn't think he was going to get away with it, because eventually someone was going to wonder where the golf cart went.
In the bed you can see the broken windshield, and in the
back you can see building 732, where I work.
when the cart slammed into it.
1. I used to be a Blockbuster manager, and I saw more reckless driving there between 11:55 and midnight than I've seen the whole rest of my life combined.
2. It's especially fun to race them at the studio I work for now. Most places put something called a "governor" on the carts to restrict their speed, but my current place of employment does not. So it's likely that the moron in this case was going upwards of 20 miles per hour.