Thursday, February 19, 2009

This Market Was Not Very Super

Last night I dashed into the supermarket on the way home from work. I just needed a few things and wanted to get out quickly. The regular lane had a long line, but the express lane had only two people waiting, so I lined up.

Bad move. The lady first in line was paying by CHECK. In the EXPRESS LANE. Which is ahem, expressly forbidden. Cash. Debit. Credit. Not check. There are very good reasons for this, and they are twofold. Unfortunately, this woman illustrated both of them:

1. People who write checks at the supermarket do not prepare to write a check. They wait for the cashier to read the total and then their face says, "How will I pay? I know, I'll write a check!" as if it's the first time they'd ever considered the question. Only then do they fish in their purse for the checkbook, write out the check, and hand it over. This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME someone buys groceries with a check.

2. Sometimes checks do not go through the first time. Sometimes checks need to be confirmed with the bank. Sometimes it takes several minutes. Like this time.

The second person in line was no picnic either. He had the chance to step up and get through the line in record time. But no. In order to save 35 cents on a can of peas, he decided it was time to sign up for the store's club discount card. Shouldn't this be against the rules in the express lane? I swear to God, I needed to shave by the time it was my turn!

I sense a riff.

* I fathered and raised a KID that needed to shave by the time it was my turn!
* Angelina Jolie kidnapped three more Asian toddlers by the time it was my turn!
* The Chicago Cubs won the World Series by the time it was my turn!
* Six more Tyler Perry movies were released by the time it was my turn!
* A newly hired bag boy was having his retirement party by the time it was my turn!
* Guns N' Roses released Chinese Democracy 2 by the time it was my turn!

Anyway, to get back to the two annoying people in the express lane, they were annoying.

So I shot them.

7 metawords:

red said...

I liked it, but the ending was a bit of a downer.

Cora said...

Clearly that line wasn't ALL bad if you fathered a child while waiting in it. Sounds like you had a little fun in there at some point. (wink)

And by the way, you've been linked, sir! :-)

The Diva on a Diet said...

Dude, you're rapidly becoming a favorite read. Seriously. Loved it ... especially the end. ;)

SouthernBelle said...

There's not a jury in the land that would convict you.

Well done, sir!

(and hilarious as per ushe)

Gwen said...

Too bad you couldn't have served your double murder sentence while you were in line.

Rebecca said...

Fine. You now embody a Queen song. Every act has its consequence.

Anonymous said...

Can't blame you. Two less tools in the world is making my world a smarter and more beautiful place. And for that I am eternally indebted to you.

I'll take the stand if you need me to. Holla.