Thursday, February 12, 2009

Chatters Say The Darndest Things, Vol. 2

Because the first collection of his folksy wisdom was so popular and because I have nothing else to say today, I am proud to present another collection of aphorisms from my favorite idiot savant, Like An Abaratar. Enjoy!


Abaratar On The Value Of Education

Like an abaratar: like gearge plays dumb and normal and trys to appear to be like an every day middle class guy even though is was born with millions and has degrees from yale and harberd
Like an abaratar: harverd
Like an abaratar: harved

Like an abaratar: I come from people that halled water on a sled and pooped outside yet my family has doen pretty well

Like an abaratar: maybe i schould go to college


Every Vote Counts

Like an abaratar: I'm voting for the pink M&M again, it should have one the last election


Abar & Ebert

Like an abaratar: wats heavy metal ans the faces of death documenteries 1-5 must be on your acid list., and the never ending story, and labrynth(best movie ever that doesn't star john wayne


Abaratar On Race Relations

Like an abaratar: Emp. b;lack people are not real big on oral sex, it is a white thing


Miss Manners Says

Like an abaratar: blame are you teaching them to do curticy flusher in public rest rooms when they are really smelling them up bad


He Knows How To Pick A Melon

Like an abaratar: I had 18 year old boobies several months back, there is something so amaising about young hooters


Abaratar On Intimate Apparel

Like an abaratar: get lots of women to were bakiny tops and have maney sacks connected to the bakiny tops, so that once the bads are full of pennies they will weigh down the top and make it rfall down

Like an abaratar: the thong is sopose to creat the illution or the jiggles of a gal wearing no underwaer, which is ruined when you see it sticking out the bacl of a galls brichis


Those Amazing Animals

Like an abaratar: one my dog was a lil puppy I gave it a gig an of oil fat and butter that came off a cooked turkey, it dropped a gaint bigger then a 400 lb human turd in the middle of the living room I mean it just flew out the dogs butt

Like an abaratar: cats are whores


Just Say No!

Like an abaratar: I smoke to joints in the moring. I smoke 2 joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright

Like an abaratar: but if you decide to get drunk while skating it is better to take you drink with you while skating so you can gradualy get use to skating drunk, other wize you will fall down


Abaratar the Epicure

Like an abaratar: green eggs and ham is awsome, first cut hame into cubes, put in pan cook, add 2 cans of spinnich , heat till way hott, add 4-8 eggs mix up real good, salt and pepper to taste, serve hot

Like an abaratar: I have finanly lost my mind, I walked in the kitchen to heet my tamalies anouther 2 minutes, but insted of touching the button on the microwave I touched the button on the water dispincer on the refigerater and squrted water on the floor


Psychiatrist - 5¢

Like an abaratar: just don't think about it, think about other things if you find you self thinking about this guy cut yourself with a razor or burn your self, that will make you relate negativity with thinking about him, and soon you will no longer want to think about him

Like an abaratar: to make a girl like you you need to get her emotions and feeling pumping, like a rollor caoster or a scary movie or even a petting zoo, she will subconchisly make a connection between the intence feelings she felt in your pressance and you

Like an abaratar: ehmm, I may be seeing hings wrong , but we now have medication that keeps peopleple from doing gret things, as if thomas jefferson n abe linkon, and george washington were not mentaly il by todays standerds, AMBITION IS NOT BAD

Like an abaratar: I only tell people off when they are overy pretenchis, I am very nice and polite to people if I think they are mentally ill


There’s No Accounting For Taste

Like an abaratar: well some girls like boys like me the rest can have you

Like an abaratar: Psss, trent I hate you, and will keep you on ignore for ever, maybe you should change names and start over


Abaratar, Consumer Watchdog

Like an abaratar: I grew up a chexy man growing up in texas being that ford was always asociated with nazzis, but as i got older I learned that fords get a lot more mile for the $


Honesty Is The Best Policy

Like an abaratar: and patty if you have any STD's pleace be upfront about them before you start banging thinkers

Like an abaratar: beat up a kid in the 7th grade for calling my mom a fat bictch, but sadly the kid was telling the trueth


Call Webster’s!

Like an abaratar: equestrains is a funny word, what do trains have to do with horses


Abaratar, GLAAD Man Of The Year

Like an abaratar: the new gal I am seeing says she is bysexual but will give it up when she gets marreied becasue cheeting is cheeting,

Like an abaratar: once had a huge body builder/proson garde dike hit on me at the "L" in denver, she had just split with her girlfriend and wanted something different

Like an abaratar: ira , I would love for you to be the one that takes my over 50 virgenity

Like an abaratar: ada is your teacher a dyke, the one that assigned this project


Make Sure You Write Down The Tracking Number

Like an abaratar: I knoiw one of the service men converted to islam because he had to under iraqi law to marry the chic, not sure about the other one though. but they are trying to get there wifes shipped back to the US


Does ‘Fear Factor’ Know About This?

Like an abaratar: sara for 5 million dollors sadly I would grab my ankles and spell run for MJ


A Freudian Slip

Like an abaratar: hi hoe are you today


And We End With The Secret To A Happy Life…

Like an abaratar: irr, the secret to having a happy life is to treatr every womwn you know as if you want them, even if it is your grandma or the lady at the department of moter vehicals, if they feel wanted they are happy

15 metawords:

SouthernBelle said...

Once again, abaratar's genius leaves the world a better place.

; )

Dr Zibbs said...

You coudn't make this stuff up. Kind of like a Yodi Berra mixed with Kramer.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I like his taste in movies.

And he's dead right about cats.

Cora said...

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Like an abaratar: and patty if you have any STD's pleace be upfront about them before you start banging thinkers

Like an abaratar: beat up a kid in the 7th grade for calling my mom a fat bictch, but sadly the kid was telling the trueth

Ohhh, gosh, Words - this has me crying-laughing!!!! Jeez!

The Diva on a Diet said...

Dude speaks the truth ... cats are whores ... for reals [sic].

;)

Happy Valentine's Day, WWW!

Flannery Alden said...

I think he did spell Harved right...(say it out loud)

Rachael said...

It's not that it is not funny..it is just that it so painful to read...

Kimizzy said...

I actually agree with one statement he made. The third paragraph under "Psychiatrist 5 cents." Oh, and that cats are whores.

Rebecca said...

I think about Abararararatar once in a while. I'll watch a kitten walking on two legs or see the world's largest hot dog and suddenly he'll spring to mind. I've never completely decided if he's real or a joke. I prefer to think of him as a comedic genius who knew exactly what he was doing. Either way, I like that he's out there, inappropriately complimenting girl scouts.

~E said...

"Like an abaratar: just don't think about it, think about other things if you find you self thinking about this guy cut yourself with a razor or burn your self, that will make you relate negativity with thinking about him, and soon you will no longer want to think about him"

And to think I actually PAY my therapist to tell me the same shit! What the hell was I thinking!

BeckEye said...

"maybe i schould go to college"

So much goodness in that.

And there are way too many people who like that damn "Labyrinth" movie. And I've known way too many of them personally.

Kimmie said...

Did you make you pappardelle?

words words words said...

Kimmie: I did. And it was spectacular. I have a new go-to dish :)

Falwless said...

Goddamn I love LaA..

Falwless said...

Also, I'm with Rebecca -- I prefer to think of him as a carefully constructed comedic savant.