Friday, August 15, 2008

Actual Conversations With Real People, Vol. 1

Today UBP will be unveiling a new feature called "Actual Conversations With Real People" in which we detail...well, actual conversations with real people. It's sure to be a smash hit that launches us into the stratosphere of international fame. Jump on the bandwagon now so you can look cool later.

Today's real person is a Home Depot worker who speaks fluent English. If you lived in Southern California, you'd know why that is important to the story.

Me: I'm looking for a tool that will help me pull up my carpet so I can run a cable TV wire under it.

HD Guy: I'm sorry, I don't think we have anything like that. What do you want to do again?

Me: I want to pull up my carpet along the wall so I can run a cable wire under it, you know, to hide it.

HD Guy: You want to buy a carpet?

Me: No. I want to pull up my carpet and run a cable wire under it.

HD Guy: (With quizzical expression) You want to buy a wire?

- FIN -

9 metawords:

BeckEye said...

If only there were a tool as sharp as that fellow's brain, you'd be in luck.

poobomber said...

I don't get it, you want someone at Home Depot to pull your wire?

Red said...

That's what they get for hiring all those damn Olympians.

Dr Zibbs said...

That's when you got to pull the ole', "Spincter says what?" - out of your sleeve.

Falwless said...

I like how you pretend to "talk" to "real people."

In other news, I don't see what this guy did wrong. It's sort of obvious to me you were not being very clear.

M in SF said...

Maybe he is a visual learner and not an auditory learner. You should have been more accepting and just showed him what you were looking for.

Wait...

180/360 said...

Geez. Your commenter's are equally funny!

Gwen said...

Is his lifeless body now rolled up in said carpet?

Fancy Schmancy said...

1. Next time just shoot him, and see if there is a manager that might have time to see why an employee just got shot in his section.

2. Then ask his manger the same question.

3. If that doesn't work, see #1.

Good luck with that.