Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Rodney Wins The Internet

The internet is one of the most amazing technological advances since crusty French bread1. This is an indisputable fact. But people disagree on what this marvel's most appropriate use is. Some say instant news. Some say personal expression. Some say porn. They're all wrong2.

The best use of the internet is, of course, the multi-platform explosion of meaningless pop culture phenomena. Taking a simple event or idea and completely blowing it out of proportion with hilarious results. Early examples were the lolcat, the inexplicable popularity of David Hasselhoff, and plump, naked breasts.

However, my favorite is the recent career explosion of Rodney Stanger. You may remember Rodney as the hamster falsely accused of kidnapping and murder that landed at #1 in my Best Whatever Of 2009 list3. Rodney has rebounded nicely
from that fiasco and appears to be more
popular than ever. The industrious little hamster has his own
Facebook page, and you can even follow him on Twitter!

I'm not sure what Rodney does for a living, although judging by the clapboard he is always toting around, I imagine he works in film production. Whatever it is that Rodney wants to pursue, I'm sure his recent visibility (including last week's visit to The Late Show with David Letterman) will prove beneficial to his prospects.

I salute you, Rodney Stanger. Many hamsters would respond to such adversity by hiding away in a local celebrity's ass. But you put yourself right back out there and made lemonade out of lemons. You are an inspiration to all who find themselves pilloried in the public eye through no fault of their own. God bless you and keep you.

1. Which is way better than sliced bread. Sliced bread must have dirty pictures of someone.

2. Except maybe the people who say "porn".

3. I hereby claim full credit for Rodney's newfound celebrity.

8 metawords:

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Aaaaand what did I click? Of course.

red said...

Congrats to that random hamster, I guess?

words...words...words... said...

Steamy: You must feel pretty silly right now. If only there were somewhere else on the internet to find plump breasts.

Red: Rodney notes your indifference.

Anonymous said...

You utter fucker. I have not been Rickrolled in about 2 years.

Okay, about seven seconds now. Fuck.

Rebecca said...

I don't get the problem with Rick Rolling. "Oh, no! I've been unexpectedly subjected to an awesome pop song and I've started to dance!"

What surprises me is "plump, naked breasts" didn't direct us to a video of you brining a pair of Cornish hens.

Anonymous said...

Really? You picked a hamster over porn? What the fuck is wrong with you?

words...words...words... said...

Veggie: That I caused the level of frustration that led to "utter fucker" pleases me.

Rebecca: You have a curious definition of "awesome pop song".

Tales: Why do we need to choose hamsters OR porn? Why don't we just choose hamster porn?

Prunella Jones said...

Hamster porn? Well, I've heard all the rumors, of course, but I thought they involved gerbils.