Wednesday, March 17, 2010

When Irish Eyes Are Popping

I feel I should make a post in honor of St. Patrick's Day, since I am 99 44/100% Irish. But I didn't want to talk about drinking, because I'd rather do it than say it. And I didn't want to talk about history, because that's a little too classy for my blog. So I'm going to talk about redheaded chicks!

I decided to tackle this topic1 because I was so infuriated by a sexy redhead list at celebrity site Wonderwall. Let's take a look at their "Top 12 Hottest Redheads", shall we?

12. Lindsay Lohan
Is this list from 2003?

11. Emma Stone
Never heard of her. Not that hot anyway.

10. Rupert Grint
This selection should be discussed on Really!?! With Seth & Amy.

9. Julianne Moore
A classic. I guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then.

8. Conan O'Brien
I find women sexy for being funny, so I'll allow it. But he didn't get in on his looks.

7. Ann-Margret
No argument here. She banged Elvis.

6. Isla Fisher
Approved. They're on a mini-roll!

5. Nicole Kidman
See Lindsay Lohan.

4. Prince Harry
He's just Dewey from Malcolm In The Middle all grown up.

3. Rita Hayworth
If I think of you in black and white, you don't count.

2. Ewan McGregor
Um, he doesn't even have red hair.

1. Christina Hendricks
I've been wanting to get this off my chest2 for a while now. She's not that hot. I mean, if you saw her walking down the street then yeah, she's quite pretty. But she can't hang with hot movie stars. There, I said it.

Is it me, or does this list look more like "Let's Name 12 Random Redheads"? I was so angered by this abomination that I decided to make my own list. Feel free to heckle, criticize3 or suggest your own. Without further ado, let's see...

WWW's Top Ten Hot Redheads

10. Hayley Williams
Kinda young, but just adorable. I want to carry her around in a backpack.

9. Kari Byron
Sexy because in addition to being pretty, she can do science-y stuff.

8. Jenny Lewis
Like a real life Holly Hobbie. If Holly Hobbie had a foul mouth and a voice like Karen Carpenter.

7. Neko Case
Yes, another singer. Last one.

6. Bryce Dallas Howard
Yeah, I'll get some funny looks for this one. More Bryce for me!

5. Molly Ringwald
She made me a man sometime in the mid-80s. There couldn't be a list without her.

4. Alyson Hannigan
Starting to get down to brass tacks here. The top 5 are pretty interchangeable.

3. Megan Mullally
Yeah, she's 51. And I'll take her over two 25 1/2 year-olds any day. Probably the most blatantly carnal appeal of anyone on the list.

2. Amy Adams
Often compared to Isla Fisher. They don't compare to me.

1. Sara Rue
She's #1 as much to make up for NEVER appearing on these lists as she is for being a total babe. Gorgeous face, killer smile, great body. The total package. Also just got engaged. Damn you, Sara Rue!

1. That's what she said!

2. Huh huh. I said "chest".

3. I am waiting for the ladies of Gingers Is The Watchword to murder me in my sleep for what I said about Christina Hendricks.

15 metawords:

Anonymous said...

I'm a little put off by your inclusion of obviously dyed redheads in your list.

Also, Sara Rue is adorable, and I'd probably do Prince Harry.

Another also, I'm terribly jealous of people who can rock red hair.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Bryce Dallas Howard is a hottie. Walking around all wet in that man's button down during every scene of Lady in the Water? Yum.

I mean...a classic beauty.

BeckEye said...

No, Ewan doesn't have red hair. But that doesn't mean he doesn't belong on EVERY sexy list. If I ever make a list of sexiest Communist dictators with harelips who are over 60, he'll even make THAT list.

Anonymous said...

I don't see ME on your effing hot redhead list sonny. Or Red for that matter. What the hay, boy.

Christina Hendricks is BEAUTIFUL. What is wrong with you? MOLLY RINGWALD over her? Are you batty? What am I saying, of course you are.

Didn't Sara Rue go blonde and skinny? I didn't approve.

words...words...words... said...

Tales: I don't penalize for dye. Truth be told, I think fake red is even sexier in some ways.

Steamy: I know what you meant. So does God.

Beckeye: He's out! I admire your dedication, though. I almost put Lauren Graham in this list despite no red hair whatsoever.

Veggie: I anticipated such a protest from you and from Red. Which is why I specified "celebrities". Minor internet celebrities don't count. If Red's band takes off I could be in trouble though. And Sara Rue went blonde and skinny, but then she came to her senses and went red and chubby again.

Cora said...

Awwwww, look at you putting Sara Rue on the top of your hottie list! Cuuuuute. I've never seen Sara Rue on anybody's list before and, dammit, it's about time someone recognized her for the giant yummy glob of gorgeousness that she is.

And I'm glad to hear she bounced back from that skinny blonde bout she'd been suffering. Good news. Definitely good news there.

red said...

Yeah, the problem with all these lists is most of the people on them are impostors! Even my beloved C. Hend (and yes, what Veg said. You are obviously insane).

Also, Emma Stone is gorgeous! And Prince Harry is a dream boat. Maybe you need your eyes examined, man!

BUT I do, and always will, give you props for your devotion to Sarah Rue. She is lovely.

words...words...words... said...

Cora: I'm very glad she recovered, too. The world needs another skinny blonde like it needs a hole in the head.

Red: I just looked up Emma Stone and realized she was in Superbad. I probably didn't take notice of her because she was always in scenes with the lovely Martha MacIsaac.

Soda and Candy said...

Megan Mullaly's not a redhead either, unless you count brunettes with reddish highlights!

Fie on your list!

Also, BDH looked terrible as a blonde in Spiderman: Emo.

Dr Zibbs said...

My fav is Ann M.

MJenks said...

Being the salient connoisseur of redheads that I am...I quite agree with your list (even if I had no idea about a couple of them).

I'd definitely keep Isla Fisher and Julianne Moore on from the previous list. And I'd probably add Patricia Heaton to the mix (though I don't know if she's a bottle job or not).

And, if we're going to go the "what is this, 2003" route, I'll throw in Tori Amos. Well, Tori Amos minus the crazy. Is that better?

The Diva on a Diet said...

Conan O'Brien is definitely on my sexy red-head list ... and not for his looks. Its his brain, his sense of humor. He used to live across the street from me and sometimes I would walk down the wrong side of the street just to follow him. (He's much cuter in person.)


Your list is much more inventive. Like it, I do!

Belated Happy St. Patrick's Day, WWW!

Alex said...

Your list has no power. The redheads on the first list are iconic redheads who inspire others to take on the power that redheads possess. I love that the first list fired you up so much you had to create your own - only a red head would do that! However, I have to question anyone who doesn't know that Rita Hayworth inspire everyone from Sophia Loren to Shirley MacLaine to Ann-Margret to Amy Admas to Jessica Rabbit go red. If it wasn't for Rita Hayworth, psssh redheads would hardly have a legacy.

words...words...words... said...

S&C: Fie on you for fie-ing on my list! Megan Mullally was a redhead in Will & Grace, and that's when she was at the height of her powers. So there!

Zibbs: Ann Magnuson? I worked with her once, she is very nice.

Jenks: Isla Fisher and Julianne Moore are certainly deserving. There just wasn't room. And Patricia Heaton is definitely at the top of my "Hot TV Moms" list. And finally, Tori Amos without the crazy is like a burger without cheese. I'll keep it.

Diva: Jealous. I'll say hi for you when I go see him next month :)

Alex: Rita Hayworth was an obvious inspiration as you say. But this isn't a list of significant redheads, just redheads I want to go on dates with. And I'm not red, I'm blond! :)

The Diva on a Diet said...

Now *I'm* jealous! Are you going to his live show?!