Tuesday, February 23, 2010

This, I Don't Need

A few years ago, my ex-roommate Edie (she of fudge hole fame) introduced me to the concept of the Friend You Hate. According to Edie, everyone has one Friend You Hate. This is a person who is your friend, but you don't actually like them most of the time. If you met this person today, you would never be friends, but you've been friends so long that it doesn't matter.

Amanda is my Friend You Hate. She's the one I stayed with in Vancouver last week for the Olympics. She sealed her Friend You Hate status with the following stunt.

Two months ago, I bought tickets for Amanda and I to go to one of the medal ceremonies at the Olympics. She didn't care which night we went, so I chose a night where medals were being given out in a selection of events that I thought Americans might win. The goal being to experience one of those goosebump moments when you hear the national anthem and see the flag get raised.

Well, my prognosticating abilities proved dead-on-balls accurate. The day before the ceremony, four Americans earned medals to be awarded that night, including golds for Shaun White and Shani Davis. Upon learning this, Amanda confessed that she didn't feel like going. Being (through no fault of her own) Canadian , she felt like she wouldn't enjoy watching a bunch of Americans celebrating. She asked if my friend Liz would like to go in her place. Liz and I found out via Facebook that we were both in Vancouver and had hung out the previous day. This was one of the only things that Amanda and I were going to get to do together, so I asked her if she was sure. She said "let Liz know it's a possibility and that you'll let her know in the morning for sure." I said okay, and the next morning Amanda gave me the go ahead to give the ticket to Liz. Liz and I made plans to meet that night and that was that.

Or so I thought.

Three hours before Liz and I were to meet, Amanda called me. "I know I'm a horrible person, but I'm going to be selfish. A Canadian just won a gold medal to be awarded tonight, and I want my ticket back." Um, WHAT? Didn't I just take great pains to ask you if you were SURE? Amanda seemed to waver, and seemed like she wanted me to make her decision for her. "Am I being really rude?" I told her that yes, she was being really rude, but if she wanted it back I would ask for it. She told me to ask for it. I left a message for Liz apologizing profusely and telling her what happened. And that was that.

Or so I thought.

Fifteen minutes later, Amanda called again. "I feel terrible. Tell her she can have the ticket." And then immediately started wavering again. WHAT. THE. HELL. She clearly wanted me to tell her she wasn't being a jerk. I was not going to do that. You just made me tell this poor girl I was taking her ticket away and now you're jerking us around again? It takes a great deal for me to get angry and raise my voice. I did just that. I told Amanda that she wasn't getting another chance to change her mind. Liz hadn't called back, so I had to assume she was still going to meet me at the venue. I told Amanda I wasn't making Liz come all the way there to turn her away. She was getting the ticket.

Congratulations, Amanda. You are now my Friend You Hate.

And for the record, the ceremony DID cause goosebumps.

P.S. - my Olympic contest is still open. The best comment on any of my Olympic-themed entries (there will be at least one more after this) wins a souvenir I brought back from Vancouver. And trust me, it's awesome.

20 metawords:

Anonymous said...

Yep, she truly deserves to be a friend you hate!! I hope that you gir;s had a fab time without her :)

Cora said...

You saw Shaun White receive a gold medal?????

YOU are now my Friend I Hate.


Gwen said...

Wow. Little Miss Amanda Pants needs to check herself. First of all, if you live in LA and she lives in Vancouver, I don't care what you asked her to do, SHE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT just to spend more time with you while you're visiting. Even if it was naked midget tossing. (That may be a bad example, because who DOESN'T want to see that?)

Seriously, I'm shocked by her extreme selfishness. It's almost like she thinks THAT is an Olympic sport. "And the Gold Medal in Only Considering Yourself goes to AMANDA!" *crowd roars*

I have no time or patience for Friends You Hate and excommunicated of all of mine. I'm a much happier person now.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Bitches, man. They need to make up their mind. Am I right?

Can Amanda be my friend I hate? She makes my current friend I hate look awesome by comparison. I think I'm gonna go give my friend I hate a big hug.

red said...

What was the criteria to win the awesome souvenir again? The comment has to be funny? Obviously, I should win this for all the funny stuff I've written here in the past. Everyone agrees with me on this one. I did an informal poll.

Also, I love how you turned "I'm so cool...I saw Shawn White and Shani Davis receive their gold medals...envy me!!!" into something we wouldn't feel jealous about. Well done.

And yeah, I'm with Gwen. Cut Friends You Hate out of your life!!! Tony Robbins would agree with me!!!

I'm done now...

Soda and Candy said...

Wow. Yeah, that is... You just can't take it back.

Also, kudos on identifying the classic Girl Maneuver of wanting to be told that the selfish thing you're doing is okay when you clearly know it's not.
I can't be too hatey on Amanda as I've probably pulled some shit like that.

words...words...words... said...

Eternally: We did! Serves her right :)

Cora: Wow, that only took a week. New land speed record!

Gwen: WWW has become a fan of the group MAKE NAKED MIDGET TOSSING AN OLYMPIC EVENT!!1!

Steamy: You always know what bitches should be doing.

Red: Yes, it has to be funny. It's still being decided if your patented "make it seem like Words is bragging in every post" technique counts as funny. The Russian judge looks pleased.

S&C: Thanks! I think this might be the first time I have successfully identified a Girl Maneuver as it was happening. I get the gold!

Falwless said...

Holy shitballs, Batman. Amanda is a cunt.

(Did I win?)

jbg said...

You should have said you were going to cut the ticket in half to see who would sacrifice it just so the other wouldn't be able to go. Then the true friend would have been revealed. :)

Rebecca said...

I'm going to mention those emails I sent, which technically now makes them part of your comments.

Would I stoop to sneaky rule-bending for a mere trinket?

Yes. Most certainly yes.

Rebecda said...

Wait, I didn't realize this was a Canadian trinket. I'm not going to enjoy a Canadian trinket all that much. You can give it to someone else.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

So did you get witness in person Shaun White playing air guitar to our national anthem after accepting his gold medal?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I meant to say "to witness" and also mention that your anti-friend Amanda is an ass. You should get a hotel room the next time you are in town.

Rebmanda said...

Hey, it's me again. I was thinking about the souvenir and how it's not strictly a Canadian trinket, but an Olympic trinket, and concluded I wanted it after all.

I'll allow you to give me the trinket. I mean, it's not like anyone else would come close to winning it.


Anonymous said...

Only good croissants are allowed to be that flakey.

BeckEye said...

And the gold medal for Ass Hattery goes to...AMANDA!

Ramanda said...

This sucks. I'm feeling a little guilty about coming off as rude, even though it's the truth that I'm the funniest. I don't want to feel bad because other people have a problem. When you send me the prize, could you make sure your friends take the news well?

I know you'll take care of this matter for me because you're the best! Well, I'm the best, but you're second, and isn't silver good enough for you?

Amanda said...

Likewise, mi amigo. Why do you think I jerk you around so much?

The Diva on a Diet said...

I'm afraid I'm too busy being jealous of you, and pissed off at your friend you hate, to be funny. Would have jumped at the chance to be there ... I'm glad you went without her!

words...words...words... said...

Falwless: Ah, brevity is the soul of wit. (Probably not.)

jbg: A classy solution to be sure. I would love to see what would have happened if these two had to face each other.

Rebsuffixes: You're trying too hard. Let it come.

Lady: A hotel would be ideal next time.

Tales: Mmm, croissant! If it has chocolate in it, you win.

Beckeye: One of my favorite words - "asshattery".

Amanda: Nice try, but no dice.

Diva: I'm jealous of Last Week Me, too.