Friday, June 19, 2009

Actual Conversations With Real (I Think) People, Vol. 8

I am a dyed-in-the-wool PC guy who is considering buying a Mac because it would make life easier at work. I had a single, specific question I wanted to ask about the Mac, so I thought, "Why not use the Apple Store online chat?" What follows is the answer to that rhetorical question.

I am pretty sure of three things: 1. I was speaking to a computer, and one for whom English was not its first language. 2. She is happy to assist me with that. 3. I will need my Mac to have great performance.

Apple: Hi, my name is Myrlande. Welcome to Apple!

Myrlande? Really? Maybe it's backwards and her actual name is Edna L. Rym.

WWW: Hello, my name is WWW. I have a question about MacBook Pro.

Apple: I'm happy to assist with that.

WWW: I'm trying to decide on a MacBook Pro model. I wonder if you can explain to me the difference between the 9400M and 9600M graphics cards, and what kind of work would benefit from the 9600M. The difference in the graphics card would be the main reason for me to jump from the $1699 model to the $1999 model.

Apple: I'm happy to assist you with that.

Apple: It will depend on what you are going to use the Mac for.

Apple: May I ask a few questions to better understand your specific needs?

WWW: Sure.

Apple: Great.

Apple: Will this be your first Mac?

WWW: Yes.

Apple: How do you plan to use your new Mac?

WWW: I'll be buying it for work. My job's server is Mac-based and all my coworkers are on Mac. I'll be using FileMaker, working with high-res Quicktime files, and using Photoshop heavily.

Apple: That's good to know.

Apple: You need enough RAM and graphic memory card.

Apple: You will need your Mac to have great performance.

I will? I'm glad you told me now!

WWW: Can you tell me specifically what applications and what kind of work the 9600M graphics card is designed for?

Apple: If you are going to use intensive video graphic, I would recommend it.

I'm starting to suspect a script is in use. A script written by a recent Estonian immigrant.

WWW: But can you tell me more specifically what sort of work that card is designed to handle that the 9400M card can't handle?

Apple: It can do both.

And....THERE. That's when she lost me.

Apple: But the more you increase the RAM and the Graphic memory card, the better the performance.

WWW: Thank you very much.

I was expecting this to be the end of this fruitless chat. But she kept going and I decided to hang on for the ride.

Apple: My pleasure.

Apple: What other software application will you be using on this Mac?

WWW: Primarily Microsoft Office, FileMaker and Photoshop.

Apple: Thanks.

Apple: Will you store music, photos and/or movies on your Mac?

WWW: Yes

Apple: How big is your music library?


Apple: That's pretty large.

That's what she said!

Apple: Since you are going to be using it for work and I'm sure you want great performance.

Apple: I would recommend you to go with the 2.66 with the 256MB of graphic memory card.

Apple: Since you are going to use video editing, you should be fine.

WWW: Aren't, you mean?

Apostrophes are important, kids.

Apple: Unless you are planning to do that in the future.

WWW: I see.

Apple: Yes.

Apple: They both will give you great performance.

She keeps talking about needing "great performance". Is she insinuating something about my performance? She already said it was pretty large, isn't that good enough? TELL ME, MYRLANDE, IS IT EVER ENOUGH FOR YOU?

WWW: Well, thank you. This has been very illuminating.

And how!

Uh, sorry about that outburst back there.

Apple: When will you be purchasing this Mac?

WWW: If I purchase a Mac, which I'm less sure of by the minute, it will likely be sometime in the next two months.

Apple: I understand.

Apple: If you are interested in the Mac, you can go ahead and save it for later.

WWW: Oh, I will definitely be saving this.

Blog gold!

WWW: Thank you!

- FIN -

15 metawords:

red said...

But you want great performance, right?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Who knew that the Estonians were such a performance-based society?

Anonymous said...

That Myr...edna...thing wants you bad, dude. Your performance is obviously on her mind. And if she IS a computer, she'd be a hellova cheap date! I say go for it and don't forget the RAM.

Madame DeFarge said...

I bought a Mac because I'm shallow and driven by the need to look flash on the train. My MacBook Pro is my bestest friend in the whole world. I am sad. But I can use apostrophes with aplomb.

the girl said...

GOLD indeed.

Seriously though, will this be your first*? There's a bit of pressure on you, isn't there? What with her always going on about her pleasure, and you needing to have great performance. But I'm sure you've got nothing to be worried about. After all, it's pretty large.

*Mac, I mean.

Gwen said...

I hear Sammy Sosa had a Mac.

words...words...words... said...

Thank you all for making me even more nervous about my very first Mac. I hope I don't psyche myself out and have poor performance.

Cora said...

Gold that is, Words. Gold.

Soda and Candy said...

I'm a mac user form waaay back. Hate PCs.

So if you ever need any help with your, uh, performance on your new Mac, I'm happy to assist with that.

; )

mylittlebecky said...

you crack me up, "that's what she said," for reals.

Morgan the Muse said...

Eh, I've read better.

But she was rather esoteric, wasn't she? Geez.

Girl Interrupted said...

I could make smutty and frankly feeble references to hard drives and floppys ... but I won't :)

words...words...words... said...

Why not?? Tease.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! And congrats on your 31GB. That's pretty impressive.

180|360 said...

You are going to love it! I had the displeasure of using my parents' PC while I was in Alaska and was seriously ready to make out with my MacBook Pro when I got my hands back on her.