Thursday, March 19, 2009

Immodest Proposal

I've decided to change my last name to "Grbk".

Have you ever noticed how sometimes semi-notable people continue to enjoy disproportionate fame because their unusual names bail out lazy crossword puzzle writers? Mel Ott, Don Ho and Bobby Orr, I'm talking about you. Mel Ott was a baseball player in the 1930s and 40s, and would have completely vanished into the mists of history if his name didn't contain an unusual letter combination. Today, crossword enthusiasts who don't even follow baseball know of his impressive but long-forgotten exploits. Messrs. Ho and Orr, while more generally known, still make it onto the list of Crossword All-Stars. I imagine it will be quite a blow to Don Ho's ongoing level of fame if "ho" is ever accepted as a legitimate form of "whore" and the Blue Fairy turns it into a real word.

You can see the advantages of changing my name to Grbk. With a vowel-free surname and even the slightest hint of success, I would vault to the top of the Crossword All-Stars and appear in the New York Times on a regular basis. I will forever be the answer to the clue, "Minor early 21st-century humorist (4)".

10 metawords:

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

This is a great idea. My Canadian fiance was very impressed that I'd heard of a famous hockey player (and could name his team), but not so much when I told that it was only because "Bruins great Bobby (3)" was a really common crossword clue.

Malcolm said...

Good call on lazy crossword puzzle writers. Thanks to the ones in the TV Guide, I learned early on about actress Rita Gam and the Egyptian sun god Ra.

Morgan the Muse said...

I think that is a good plan, you should definitely stick to that.

Girl Interrupted said...

Nice post, Grbk!

Soda and Candy said...

I dunno, my maiden name was an odd one and I was thrilled to marry someone with an ordinary name so I wouldn't have to spell it out every single freaking time...

Still. Great post, Grbk!

Gwen said...

You've left out the best part - you will be in crossword puzzle dictionaries, too!

Kimmie said...

I don't even know what to say. Nothing but love for ya.

Cora said...

Yeah, good point. But imagine how irritating it will be when telemarketers call and butcher your name all the time. I used to get that with my maiden name. And I still get it now with my married name.... but it's my ex-husband's name, so I kinda don't mind when it gets butchered now, pronounce it however you want, I don't care.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I just thought I'd also add that today (March 20th) is Bobby Orr's birthday.

Eric said...

You, sir, are a genius.