Tuesday, March 24, 2009

There's More Than One Dummy In This Story

Every family has old reliable stories that they drag out when it's time to pile on someone. This is the story that my family gangs up on me with.

I was about 17 years old and my family was watching a TV show about a ventriloquist who would speak only through his dummy. Some childhood trauma had caused him to refuse to speak in his own voice for over 20 years.

The ventriloquist had a breakthrough and near the end of the show he finally spoke in his own voice, sans dummy. He was eloquent and spoke confidently. "That's ridiculous," I said angrily. "There's no way that after 20 years of not talking he'd be able to speak so perfectly again without practice!"

The lesson, as always: I'm a knucklehead.

18 metawords:

Morgan the Muse said...

Yeah, I guess you are. But I have similar stories, do not worry.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha! Um....

Girl Interrupted said...

I totally relate.

My family grab every opportunity to do exactly the same thing, preferably when I'm taking a new BF home for the first time, then out come the embarrassing stories and, even worse ... the dreaded photo album, making sure to draw attention to the particularly gruesome childhood shots where I'm sporting a bad hairstyle and/or missing teeth. (And they wonder why I'm single!!!)

My mum said it's their payment/reward for all the smart-mouthed crap I gave them between the years of 2 and 20 ... so sadly I can't complain/argue the point :/

Shadow said...

My first thought was aww, that’s cute, than I saw that you were 17 =/

Soda and Candy said...


It's a good thing you're pretty.

...oh wait, that's me.

; )

words words words said...

Girl: I hate when families do that. Mine actually ran out of the house to chase down my brother and a new GF when he declined to bring her inside. Now you can see why he declined.

Shadow: Haha...now that made me laugh.

Soda: Yeah, I thought I got smarts instead of pretty, but now I fear I was overlooked entirely.

Dr Zibbs said...

I had to think about that for 3 seconds before I got it.

Does that make me dumb?

BeckEye said...

Tell this story in front of my Dad some time. He'll laugh, then immediately say, "Well, Becky threw up on the monorail when we went to Disney World." Ah, still his favorite topic some 26 years later. He even wrote a song about it.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Parents suck. I so can't wait until my son starts bringing girls home!

words words words said...

Zibbs: If you have to ask...

Beck: That's charming. Will he sing the song for me, too? I've never been happier that nobody in my family has a lick of musical talent.

It's a world of popcorn, a world of nuts
Its a world of ice cream and turgid guts
When our snacks we don't share
Then our stomachs declare
That's no small hurl after all

That's no small hurl after all
You're a full girl, ate it all
That's no small hurl after all
That's no small, small hurl

red said...

That's hilarious.

Cora said...

17, huh? Hee hee hee. You'll never live it down, will you?

That's okay. My parents will tell anyone who looks them in the eye about the time I ate dog food and it magically cured my diarrhea. The story is legend in Seattle.


words words words said...

Cora: Does that mean you eat cat food when you're constipated? I don't know why I always think dogs and cats are opposites.

180|360 said...

wasn't this show on ripley's believe it or not?

Soda and Candy said...

Haha, I just remembered the story my dad told about my sister eating half a box of snail bait as a toddler.

He rang the poison info hotline, all panicked, and they were all like "Eh, dunno, she'll be fine."

All that happened was she shat green for a week.

Gwen said...

Ahhh, yes. Familial torture. Mine is the time I buttered bread with cold butter, tore a hole in it, didn't know, and then chomped on my own finger that had poked through.

Great title.

Falwless said...

I just like the "ventriloquists and mental illness" tag, as if to suggest there are future posts to come on this very subject.

I'm intrigued.

Anna Russell said...

I'm not sure what's worse - the fact you said it, or the fact it took me a minute to realise why you shouldn't have.