Once again bereft of blog material and consumed by a fit of narcissism, I bring you a new chapter of the G-Chat Diaries! This exchange was initiated when Chatter X sent me a link to this website that tells you the Billboard #1 song for any date. Please, bask in my wit.
Chatter X: What was the #1 song on the day you were born?
Me: "The Long And Winding Road". I actually like that song!
Chatter X: Mine was "Looks Like We Made It", Barry Manilow. wtf.
Me: Very nice. BTW, it makes me feel old that a Beatles song was #1 when I was born.
Chatter X: Yeah, it makes me feel like you're old, too.
Chatter X: My last three birthdays have been "I Kissed A Girl", "Hey There Delilah" and "Promiscuous." Awwwwww yeeeeaaaahhhhh.
Me: 1995 is the last time a white person had the #1 song on my birthday. I don't know what that means.
Chatter X: "Baby Got Back" was my birthday in '92
Me: Apparently your birthday is a whore.
Chatter X: lol. In 1891 it was "Whistling Coon." damn how I miss that song.
Me: Hahahahahahahahaha. You are hilarious.
Me: Oh wait, you didn't make that up. The chart really goes back that far.
Chatter X: No I didn't!!!! That woulda been pretty damn funny though, you're right.
Me: I KNOW. I'm a little disappointed.
Me: Ah, I remember dancing on my birthday to "Throw Him Down, McCloskey". And the year before, we cut up the rug to "Michael Casey As a Physician".
Chatter X: That had to be the shittiest song ever. "Michael Casey as a Physician"?
Me: Really? What about "The Spaniard That Blighted My Life"?
Chatter X: Are we sure that was even a song? That was an essay.
Me: Actually, that sounds like an awesome song.
Chatter X: Wait a cotton pickin' minute! In 1892, I have "Michael Casey at the Telephone". Michael Casey sure as fuck got around.
Me: Wow, for a boring dude he inspired a lot of songs.
Chatter X: Was the telephone even INVENTED?
Me: No, it wasn't. The first two lines of that song are: Michael Casey at the telephone/Exclaimed "what the fuck doth this be?"
Chatter X: I bet even people back in the day thought these songs sucked.
Me: Who can forget "Gimme a Lil Kiss, Will Ya, Huh?" I bet in 1926 that song title was equivalent to scat porn.
Chatter X: Wow in 1901 I got one called "Jim Lawson's Horse Trade With Deacon Witherspoon" by Cal Stewart. Boy I bet that was a real crowd-pleaser.
Me: It's a little wordy.
Chatter X: What the fuck kind of song is that? lol, I can't stop laughing.
Me: Oh, look! Parentheses in song titles are not new! They seem to date back to at least 1931. "(There Ought to Be a) Moonlight Saving Time"
Chatter X: No no no! I have parentheses dating to 1907! "School Days (When We Were a Couple of Kids)" by Byron G. Harlan.
Me: That song was #1 on my birthday too! That must have been one popular-ass song. You go, Byron G. Harlan!
Me: And that is the first time anyone ever said that in the history of the word.
Chatter X: And apparently men have been real douchebags going back all the way to 1918. Case in point: "I'm Sorry I Made You Cry" by Henry Burr.
Me: Yeah, but Mrs. Burr was a screeching harpy. He shouldn't have apologized.
Me: I can't believe I missed this one. "Uncle Josh's Arrival In New York". I wonder if he knew Michael Casey.
Chatter X: I think none can compare to "Jim Lawson's Horse Trade with Deacon Witherspoon."
Me: That's pretty fucking good.
Chatter X: I wish they'd make an American Idol night where the library was #1 songs from the 1890s
Me: That is the best idea in the history of human existence. Including tacos. I just hope the band has a harpsichord player.
Chatter X: And a jug player.
Me: And that clothes washing thing and some spoons.
Chatter X: Zydeco!
Me: I bet we have a totally flawed vision of the 1890s.
Chatter X: I bet we don't. Although it's probably better than their vision of the 2000s. I just don't understand how there was even a chart back then. The radio wasn't even invented.
Me: They calculated it by how many ha'pennies got thrown in each musician's hat.
Chatter X: lolol
Me: That deserved more loling, frankly.
Chatter X: Nahhh, wasn't the funniest thing tonight.
Me: This is totally going to be a "Chatter X" post.