Friday, March 20, 2009

The G-Chat Diaries, Vol. 3

Once again bereft of blog material and consumed by a fit of narcissism, I bring you a new chapter of the G-Chat Diaries! This exchange was initiated when Chatter X sent me a link to this website that tells you the Billboard #1 song for any date. Please, bask in my wit.

Chatter X: What was the #1 song on the day you were born?

Me: "The Long And Winding Road". I actually like that song!

Chatter X: Mine was "Looks Like We Made It", Barry Manilow. wtf.

Me: Very nice. BTW, it makes me feel old that a Beatles song was #1 when I was born.

Chatter X: Yeah, it makes me feel like you're old, too.

Chatter X: My last three birthdays have been "I Kissed A Girl", "Hey There Delilah" and "Promiscuous." Awwwwww yeeeeaaaahhhhh.

Me: 1995 is the last time a white person had the #1 song on my birthday. I don't know what that means.

Chatter X: "Baby Got Back" was my birthday in '92

Me: Apparently your birthday is a whore.

Chatter X: lol. In 1891 it was "Whistling Coon." damn how I miss that song.

Me: Hahahahahahahahaha. You are hilarious.

Me: Oh wait, you didn't make that up. The chart really goes back that far.

Chatter X: No I didn't!!!! That woulda been pretty damn funny though, you're right.

Me: I KNOW. I'm a little disappointed.

Me: Ah, I remember dancing on my birthday to "Throw Him Down, McCloskey". And the year before, we cut up the rug to "Michael Casey As a Physician".

Chatter X: That had to be the shittiest song ever. "Michael Casey as a Physician"?

Me: Really? What about "The Spaniard That Blighted My Life"?

Chatter X: Are we sure that was even a song? That was an essay.

Me: Actually, that sounds like an awesome song.

Chatter X: Wait a cotton pickin' minute! In 1892, I have "Michael Casey at the Telephone". Michael Casey sure as fuck got around.

Me: Wow, for a boring dude he inspired a lot of songs.

Chatter X: Was the telephone even INVENTED?

Me: No, it wasn't. The first two lines of that song are: Michael Casey at the telephone/Exclaimed "what the fuck doth this be?"

Chatter X: I bet even people back in the day thought these songs sucked.

Me: Who can forget "Gimme a Lil Kiss, Will Ya, Huh?" I bet in 1926 that song title was equivalent to scat porn.

Chatter X: Wow in 1901 I got one called "Jim Lawson's Horse Trade With Deacon Witherspoon" by Cal Stewart. Boy I bet that was a real crowd-pleaser.

Me: It's a little wordy.

Chatter X: What the fuck kind of song is that? lol, I can't stop laughing.

Me: Oh, look! Parentheses in song titles are not new! They seem to date back to at least 1931. "(There Ought to Be a) Moonlight Saving Time"

Chatter X: No no no! I have parentheses dating to 1907! "School Days (When We Were a Couple of Kids)" by Byron G. Harlan.

Me: That song was #1 on my birthday too! That must have been one popular-ass song. You go, Byron G. Harlan!

Me: And that is the first time anyone ever said that in the history of the word.

Chatter X: And apparently men have been real douchebags going back all the way to 1918. Case in point: "I'm Sorry I Made You Cry" by Henry Burr.

Me: Yeah, but Mrs. Burr was a screeching harpy. He shouldn't have apologized.

Me: I can't believe I missed this one. "Uncle Josh's Arrival In New York". I wonder if he knew Michael Casey.

Chatter X: I think none can compare to "Jim Lawson's Horse Trade with Deacon Witherspoon."

Me: That's pretty fucking good.

Chatter X: I wish they'd make an American Idol night where the library was #1 songs from the 1890s

Me: That is the best idea in the history of human existence. Including tacos. I just hope the band has a harpsichord player.

Chatter X: And a jug player.

Me: And that clothes washing thing and some spoons.

Chatter X: Zydeco!

Me: I bet we have a totally flawed vision of the 1890s.

Chatter X: I bet we don't. Although it's probably better than their vision of the 2000s. I just don't understand how there was even a chart back then. The radio wasn't even invented.

Me: They calculated it by how many ha'pennies got thrown in each musician's hat.

Chatter X: lolol

Me: That deserved more loling, frankly.

Chatter X: Nahhh, wasn't the funniest thing tonight.

Me: This is totally going to be a "Chatter X" post.

17 metawords:

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

I know who chatter X is through their birthday song. Do I win a prize?

Girl Interrupted said...

LOL oh awesome stuff! Totally worth waiting WEEKS for.

My #1's were a bit boring compared to yours, the best two being "When You Ain't Got No More Money, Well, You Needn't Come Around" and "The Right Church, But The Wrong Pew" both by Arthur Collins who I envision to be the Justin Timberlake of his day.

The Diva on a Diet said...

Curiouser and curiouser ... "The Whistling Coon" was also number one on my b'day in 1891 and "Baby Got Back" number one on my b'day in 1992 as well. I should have been born that year.

My actual birthday = "Rag Doll" by The Four Seasons. I am very old.

words words words said...

Ah, you may know who THIS Chatter X is...but Chatter X is a blanket name for an assortment of actual chatters. Kind of like the Dalai Lama, but funnier.

Your prize is the knowledge that you are wise enough to figure out who Chatter X is. Very zen, no?

Soda and Candy said...

Chatter X rules.

Cora said...

I'm basking in the wit, Words. I'm basking. :-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You should be careful. Certain images come to mind when you use the words "scat" and "porn" together in the same sentence.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Apparently, people like to talk on my birthday. "Say, Say, Say", "Say You, Say Me" and "Say it with Music" were all number one hits on my birthday.

But, the best part? The official state song of Indiana was number one on my birthday back in 1897.

red said...

I know who Chatter X is too...in this instance anyway.

My B-day song is "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand. This explains so much about me...you have no idea.

Gwen said...

Didn't that Burr chap kill Alexander Hamilton in a duel?

Yeah. Henry Aaron Burr.

Hank Aaron was named after him.

(Revisionist history is my favorite kind.)

Falwless said...

I'M FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!111

I still want to hear "Jim Lawson's Horse Trade With Deacon Witherspoon."

Seriously. Kick ass song, I bet.

Morgan the Muse said...

I am not sure why I read that. But I like the American Idol idea.

BeckEye said...

I totally know who Chatter X is too. Least. Mysterious. Blog post. Ever.

words words words said...

Next you all are going to tell me you know who Batman is, too. Chatter X is an idea, not a person!

Girl Interrupted said...

Batman = My Grandad

I know this because they are never seen in a room together at the same time

180|360 said...

apparently i'm on a different boat because every time i read a g-chat diary i think that you are just really clever and made the whole thing up.

Nej said...

Birthday song: Saturday Night.


1893: Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me a Bow Wow

My birthday is in January...but there seen to be a high number of Christmas songs on my list.