Monday, September 21, 2009

Springfield Rock City

It occured to me the other day while watching The Simpsons that Krusty the Clown is the Gene Simmons of comedy. After thinking about it some more, it only followed that Gene Simmons is the Krusty the Clown of rock and roll. These two men, while probably not acquainted, have similar attitudes, values and foibles. I'm certain they'd get along like least long enough to have a debauched weekend in Vegas. Come, won't you, and let's examine the startling parallels between these two titans of the entertainment industry!

Gene SimmonsKrusty the Clown
HairstyleThree-pronged afro (black)Three-pronged afro (green)
MakeupEvil clownSad clown
Abandoned CareerImparter of knowledge (schoolteacher)Imparter of knowledge (rabbi)
AddictionPoultry-related (chicks)Poultry-related (dodo egg omelettes)
SidekickHairy ape (Paul Stanley)Hairy ape (Mr. Teeny)
Secret ShameJudaismJudaism
Ill-Advised EndorsementsKISS coffin/beverage cooler, KISS wine, KISS Mr. Potato Head dollsKrusty Brand Imitation Gruel, Krusty Brand Home Pregnancy Test, Lady Krusty Mustache Removal System
Skill At Chosen CareerQuestionableVery Questionable
Eventual Cause Of DeathShot by hookerShot by bookie

12 metawords:

Anonymous said...

It's like someone turned on a light in my brain!

Although, Krusty has dubious taste in food - those dodo egg omelettes are expensive. And sort of stale.

They also both continued long past their prime and should be shot. Sorry Gene but you can't still be a cool rock n' roll icon with THAT HAIR. It's part lion tamer, part Vegas lounge act.

Trinity said...

You forgot to put in they are both man whores who will endorse anything if they get paid enough.

Gwen said...

Holy crap! You are so totally right! I feel like everything in the universe just fell into place.

You're a genius, gunslinger.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahahaha, so true!

They probably also both use pearl necklaces to light their cigars.

The only difference is I hate Gene Simmons and I don't hate Krusty.

Prunella Jones said...

Love it! This post is genius!

Of course, Krusty is a thousand times sexier than Gene but otherwise they could be twins.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Are you telling me that Gene Simmons has a superfluous third nipple?

BeckEye said...

Is Krusty a homophobe?

Anonymous said...

You know, after seeing the number of his character names that were jacked from Portland street names, it wouldn't surprise me at all if he modeled Krusty after Gene Simmons.

Cora said...


Spot on, Words.

Spot. On.

Rebecca said...

The debauched Vegas weekend is not a stringent enough metric for defining how well two people get along. I mean, Idi Amin and Ellen DeGeneres could make it through a Vegas weekend. You and Christo could make it through a Vegas weekend. It's a low bar.

Also, secret shame: Judaism. Hi-larious.

words...words...words... said...

You know, I love Krusty as much as the rest of you. He's my favorite character on The Simpsons with the possible exception of Mr. Burns.

But I'd be remiss if I didn't admit in the face of much Gene-hate that I love Kiss. I just do. Kiss Alive I & II were the first albums I ever owned. I got them as gifts for my First Communion. Swear to God.

~E said...

Wait, Gene Simmons is dead????

And also, he was a school teacher? Let me guess, Chemistry? HE seems like the type to be able to create his own high in a hotel bathroom somewhere.