Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Kanye West To Pick Winners At MTV Awards

NEW YORK (AP) - In a shocking turn of events, music channel MTV announced today that beginning next year, all winners at the MTV Music Video Awards will be chosen by rap music star and noted tastemaker Kanye West.

Sunday’s broadcast of the network’s annual flagship event was marred when West interrupted “Best Female Video” winner Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. West stormed onstage and shouted over a stunned Swift, asserting that singer Beyonce should have won for her video “Single Ladies”, calling it “one of the best videos ever”. The incident was only the latest in a string of awards show shenanigans by West, whose hijinks frequently include interrupting speeches to issue pronouncements that he was wrongly denied a meaningless award. Curiously, West did not interrupt host Russell Brand at any point in the proceedings, a move that would likely have put him back in the good graces of those in attendance and a television audience of millions.

The decision to appoint West to such a powerful post would seem unlikely considering the embarrassment he caused the network on the one night each year that people actually consider watching MTV. Not so, says MTV Networks president Doug Herzog. “At first we were angry at Kanye,” Herzog said. “But when we were honest with ourselves, we had to admit that he really does know best. His opinions, even on topics as disparate as music videos and 19th century pre-Raphaelite art, are invariably correct.” Herzog also noted that convenience was a factor in the decision. “We realized that having one person decide all the winners was much easier than actually conducting a vote of the general public. Besides, what are we really losing here? This is a group of people who have bestowed the coveted (sic) Moonman on the likes of Paula Abdul, Kylie Minogue and the Pussycat Dolls. Frankly, I think I should receive some kind of award myself.”

Within hours of the announcement, West weighed in via his blog. “MTV YOU FINALLY DONE SOMETHING RIGHT!!! I AM SOOOOO JACKED TO PICK THE WINNERS!! I PREDICT THAT KANYE WEST WILL SWEEP NEXT YEARS VMAS!!! YOU KNOWWW IT!!”

At press time, it was rumored that officials of the Oscars, Grammys and Emmys were contemplating offers for West to choose the winners of their awards shows as well. In related news, 20th Century Fox this afternoon greenlit the lavish biopic Kanye West: A Man For All Seasons.

16 metawords:

red said...

This turn of events was inevitable I suppose.

Cora said...

Hey! I like Russell Brand, okay?!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Dammit, I knew I should have rushed the stage at my school awards ceremony.

Soda and Candy said...

"coveted (sic)"

I love snide use of (sic).

; )

Prunella Jones said...

Kanye West Apology Generator

For the lulz

~E said...

He needed to get a swift kick in the nuts.

Dont care who you like, you don't do that to somebody on their big moment.

Falwless said...

hahaha, loves it, babe.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Haha! That was awesome. You have to be some sort of mentally deficient idiot to require the attention Kanye does. At least now he's choosing the winners from now on things will go smoothly. Since he's the only attendee and all.

BeckEye said...

Well, it's about time MTV stopped being so stupid and racist.

Also, how is it that Russell Brand was utterly hilarious in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," and is so unfunny in everything else he does? I have to assume it has something to do with Jason Segel. With whom you still need to get me a date.

Mr London Street said...

Russell Brand = unfunny cunt.

And I don't use that word lightly.

The Diva on a Diet said...

I've asked Kanye to assume management of my stock portfolio. From here on out, he'll be choosing all of my investments.

words...words...words... said...

Cora: No, it is not okay. It is not.

S&C: That was my favorite part.

Beckeye: I can't even get dates for myself, you will be waiting a while.

Diva: For your sake I hope that stock in Ugly Sunglasses That Look Like Venetian Blinds, Inc. is in for a big spike.

JenJen said...

new here. Stopped by after painfully reading MJenks. Sigh.
*giggle*
I am loving your band titles from the 10th. Easy laughs from here.

As far as Kanye goes, some one needs to stick a needle in this douchebags bubble. Now.

talesofawellfedgraphicdesigner said...

At least he admits it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoTrgDRnxfY&feature=channel

WendyB said...

High!Larious! I loved "coveted (sic)"

180|360 said...

Hilarious, as always. I'm totally stealing the phrase "noted tastemaker."