Monday, September 7, 2009

Desk Hero

Klank thumpthump klank thumpthump klank thumpthumpthump klank klank

“All right!”

Klank thumpthump klank thumpthump klank thumpthumpthump klank klank

“I got somethin’ to say!”

After my thunderous drum intro, Mark took over on guitar and proceeded to rock this place to the ground. I don’t know how to play drums and he doesn’t know how to play guitar. But we had played the hell out of “Rock Of Ages” just the same.

We’re not a band. We’re Desk Band.

When you spend about 12 hours a day cooped up in a room with two other guys with nothing to entertain you but each other and three iTunes-equipped laptops, you have to make your own fun. Desk Band started innocently enough, with Mark drumming the pads of his wrists on the desk to the sounds of Rage Against The Machine. Like that hackneyed movie cliché where one guy stands up in an auditorium and claps alone only to slowly be joined by the entire room in a standing ovation, our officemate Shane and I chimed in and forged a three part cacophony.

Shane was cashiered from Desk Band in a matter of days for utter lack of rhythm. There was none of the usual acrimony attendant when such things happen though, as he is our production assistant/flunky/errand boy. It was but the latest of his humiliations. Desk Band lives on as a two-piece act. Whenever we’re bored or stressed or mad, you can feel it coming. Just crank up the volume, and it’s showtime.

Dutdut dutdut dutdut dutdut dutdutdut THUMP

“I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord…”

10 metawords:

Soda and Candy said...

hahaha, I like the post tag.

I like to sing songs rather than make music. Boys are better at sound effects.

A word to Shane - never let lack of talent stand in the way of your dreams!

Anonymous said...

You should pitch this to some gaming company and make some money.

When you open the box, there's the CD with the game on it, 4 pencils, 2 pens, a box of rubber bands, a box of paperclips, a stack of scrap paper, a stack of plastic inboxes, and two pieces of pressboard that look like the edge of a desk.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. You cease to be a band, desk or otherwise, the moment Phil Collins rears his ugly, bald little head into the equation. Please stop that. :)

Morgan the Muse said...

I thought you were going to say that you guys were using Garageband. I love Garageband. Then you could be back to your trio but get absolutely no work done.

Rebecca said...

You do realize that Shane will go on to write a hit movie based on his life as a gofer and that you will be immortalized onscreen as Office Jerk #2, which will be an uncredited cameo by Roseanne Barr.

BeckEye said...

You guys can't get a Rock Band hooked up in there or something?

red said...


Gwen said...

Is it safe to assume that the only thing you're banging in that office is the desk?

(Sorry, it was too funny to leave it unasked even though it's mean.)

words...words...words... said...

S&C: He won't, his hero is everyone on The Hills.

TOAWFGD: First, you need a shorter name. Second, that is genius. It reminds me of that time they tried to sell a commercial version of that game where you fold up notepaper into a "football" and kick field goals between the other person's fingers. That sold REALL...wait, never mind.

Veggie: Despite the quality of most of Mr. Collins' solo catalog, I defy you to find a better air drums song than "In The Air Tonight". MAYBE "Immigrant Song". Maybe. (Besides, Genesis rules.)

Morgan: I have yet to investigate Garage Band, but it looks suspiciously like hard work and I can't figure out if you need to play an actual instrument to use it. I shall have to investigate.

Rebecca: I have assurances that I will be played by Chaz Bono.

BeckEye: We are not a dotcom, we don't roll like that.

Red: You are the only person I know that can say "rad" without looking douchey. It's not a resume skill or anything, but it's definitely something.

Gwen: That was true until your visit last week. You're welcome.

Cora said...

Awww, poor Shane. I can't help but imagine him like Fozzie Bear now.