Thursday, January 21, 2010

Love Letters

Last night I went to the movies. I went down to the parking garage of my apartment building and found two notes under my windshield wiper. Immediately I thought, "Oh great, someone hit me." Instead, I found some delightfully weird notes, which I responded to.

A-hole Note #1:
Management: Please be advised that I will be parking in my space tomorrow in the Evening (sic). Please let your son's girlfriend know so that she can make other arrangements. I've left 2 messages on the voicemail!
Thank you, A-hole in #306

A-hole Note #2:
Please move your car.

I was concerned that this person would park in my spot while I was at the movies, so I left a note of my own and taped it to the pillar adjoining my spot.

My Note #1:
To the person requesting that I vacate my own parking space:
I am not management. Barring a bout of amnesia and gender reassignment surgery, I am also not the manager's son's girlfriend. I am a tenant and I've lived here for eight years. And this is my parking space. I expect that when I return later this evening, my space will remain unoccupied. Regards, WWW.

In fact, my space was unoccupied when I returned. My note was intact. All that's left is to hope they don't key my car for being a wiseass.

13 metawords:

Anonymous said...

I hate when some fucker parks in my space. Because there's nowhere else for me to park. I like to park behind them so they can't leave when it happens. It delights me to see them jumping around all pissed off.

On the other hand, I'd be most indignant if someone told me to vacate my own parking spot. You were very tactful. I'd be inclined to write, "If one wheel of your car encroaches on my spot, I am going to shit on your hood." I'm a lady.

BeckEye said...

What are these "parking spaces" you speak of?

red said...

What BeckEye said.

Also, you really do get all the weirdos, don't you?

Soda and Candy said...

I love that you referenced gender reassignment surgery in a passive-aggressive note exchange.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I've received a note on my windshield before when I parked on a residential street. "Please don't park in front of our house. We like to reserve those spots for any guests that might drop by."

It's the STREET, asshole.

Why am I still mad about this?

I like to think I wouldve gone up to apt 306 and slipped something strange and ominous under his door, like a communion wafer with the words "Not your spot" scrawled on it in sharpie.

180|360 said...

Soda & Candy said exactly what I wanted to! So funny.

The Diva on a Diet said...

"gender reassignment surgery" ... you have such a way with words, words!

Gwen said...

I live in an older city neighborhood where everyone thinks they OWN the strip of street in front of their house. I have a garage but once a week I'll park in front of someone else's house just to watch them steam. hee hee!

I hope they actually found and read your note (as opposed to realizing their error before.)

My word verification is "harshin" which I find appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Response Win. I hope no one would mistake you for a kid's girlfriend. That's a little disturbing.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you don't resemble someone's girlfriend, but maybe your car doesn't look butch enough?

Girl Interrupted said...

Just in case you forget? ... Don't have gender reassignment surgery, it wouldn't suit you ;)

Hope you had a great Christmas and are keeping well x

Anonymous said...

You can't write this stuff.

Cora said...

The last time I lived in an apartment I had my very own garage. It was a beautiful thing. Really. Except that my neighbor (who had opted not to pay for a garage) kept parking his car HORIZONTALLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY GARAGE DOOR. My car would either be trapped in the garage or trapped outside of it.

I'd repeatedly have to go knock on his door and tell him to move his car over to his own parking space. Duh.

Finally one day he got sick of me and my annoying requests to have access to my own garage and yelled in my face, "but where the f*ck do you expect ME to park????" Anywhere but in front of my garage door, asshole. Please.


I was so happy when I moved out of there.