Thursday, December 31, 2009

Christmas Throwdown!

Scoffers always contend that professional athletes are selfish children who don't care about anyone but themselves and their own egos. As will be amply demonstrated, some athletes have virtually no ego (or self-respect) at all. Let's examine the holiday greetings offered by the Cincinnati Bengals and the Detroit Pistons and see who comes out on top! Are you ready for a throwdown??

Song: "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
Performed By: Cincinnati Bengals
Musical Skills: Nearly competent
Enthusiasm: Jolly
Best Thing: Orange Santa hats
Worst Thing: They're the Cincinnati Bengals
MVP: #52 and his spine-tingling falsetto
Suggested Album Title: Grab A Tiger By The Tail...And It Will Sound Like This

Song: "Jingle Bells"
Performed By: Detroit Pistons
Musical Skills: Nonexistent
Enthusiasm: Similar to that of people singing at gunpoint
Best Thing: Everything Rasheed Wallace does
Worst Thing: Everything everyone else does
MVP: Rasheed Wallace for breaking it down AND doing the Carlton Banks dance
Suggested Album Title: The Detroit Pistons Listlessly Mumble The Classics

The Verdict
The Bengals put forth a more consistent effort and showed far more teamwork than the Pistons. However, even collectively, they cannot outshine the incandescent talent that is Rasheed Wallace.

WINNER: Pistons!

2 metawords:

red said...

Sure the Bengals are "nearly competent" if "competent" = "unable to stay in key for more than 2 bars."

words...words...words... said...

Congratulations, Red! You are the recipient of the very prestigious and infrequent Lone Commenter award! Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery and thank you for reading.