Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Supermarkets Have A Vendetta Against Me

"Plastic bags okay?"

That's what they say now. They don't even bother with the pretense of asking "Paper or plastic?"

"Paper please."

"Do you have a cart?"

"No."

"These paper bags don't have handles anymore, you know."

"Yeah, I know. You people were tired of paying for paper bags, so a few months ago you stopped putting handles on them in the devious hope that we'll start using those damn plastic bags that hold one item each and beg for a legitimate reason to exist! No dice, my underhanded friend! I'd rather struggle with the bulk of five handle-free paper bags than accept 26 cheap-ass plastic bags and give in to your corporate penny-pinchery! And don't think I don't see the irony in stating that you're eliminating handles for paper-saving "green" reasons while you're really just driving people to use non-biodegradable plastic!" *

"Very good, sir. Have a nice evening!"

I fumed out to the parking lot with my five precariously balanced paper bags and drove home while working up an impressively irritated mood. I arrived home, and as the elevator door opened, so did a tear in the ill-positioned bag containing milk and a six-pack of beer.

@#$%& supermarkets.


* May or may not have been thought but not said.

15 metawords:

Some Guy said...

We use these things called Chico Bags. Sure they're a little dorky, but they're totally reusable and have handles. I keep them in my car and they smush down to pocket size or if you really want to look nerdy you can clip them to a belt loop.

http://www.chicobag.com/

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I actually bought six (SIX!) big canvas fuckers from our local supermarket because a) you get 2 whole CENTS off your bill for each canvas bag you bring and b) they're so much easier to carry than those flimsy plastic nonsense bags. Of course this only applies if you remember to TAKE THE BAGS WITH YOU. Which I almost never do. I tried keeping them in the car but you have to bring them in full of groceries, right? Then I forget them again.

Paper bags are dumb. You can only carry one humongous one or two mediocre ones and you're done.

the girl said...

At least you've got the choice of paper. Here, 'tis plastic or nothing. Hence the reason why the boot of my car is stuffed to bursting point with reusable canvas thingies like The Veg Assassin was talking about. Anyone would think I had mob connections, what with how low the back of my car sits from all the dead bodies... I mean canvas bags.

I fucking hate supermarkets.

Soda and Candy said...

Yeah you need the reusable ones.

I take plastic bags but I reuse them (we don't buy garbage bags for our indoor bin) and I think they're already recycled plastic, which is why the little fuckers are so weak.

I moved to America so I could STOP caring about the environment.
; )

talesofawellfedgraphicdesigner said...

This is why I carry a backpack with me. No paper, plastic, or handles to worry about when it's all snug on my back.

Gwen said...

When I first moved here - to the big city, you know - I was confounded by the paper or plastic question. Paper was all we had in rural America.

I need to get some of those big canvas fuckers referenced by TVA.

words...words...words... said...

I guess it's canvas fuckers for me. But I hate that they don't stand up like the paper bags. They just fall all over when you put them down.

I guess it's true, you can't have it all.

Cora said...

Canvas fuckers are the way to go.

Please don't quote me out of context. Thank you.

Girl Interrupted said...

Sheesh words!! Where you been? Everybody knows the "big canvas fuckers" are where it's at these days!!

Get with the programme.

Ps: They're super handy for moving books and dvd's too when you move house ... at least the ones we have here are ... ours are square, like big paper bags, and don't fall over (neener)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Sounds like you've got yerself a new recipe for a Beer Float!

BeckEye said...

You just need your own cart. That's how we roll in NYC.

Kimizzy said...

Why don't you just buy one of those cute little Go Green bags. They're fabric instead of plastic. :)

red said...

At Trader Joes they have reusable, like, hybrid bags that do stand up like paper, but are reusable like canvas. Problem = Solved.

Fancy Schmancy said...

My grocery store got smart and gave the canvas bags away for free, one per customer per week for like 2 months. And they give you $.05 off per bag you bring. It's a good deal, but like Veggie said, I never remember them.

Kimmie said...

Supermarkets are Eeee-vil.