Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I'm Very Good At It When I'm Alone

While I never sing in public, I frequently put on bravura performances in my car or in the privacy of my own apartment. Total showstoppers. I'm really quite talented when no one is looking or able to verify it.

But even when I am alone, I have trouble singing certain songs. If the lyrics are especially stupid, then I can barely get them out of my mouth. They're so inane that I even embarrass myself.

For your listening pleasure and horror, here are Five Songs I Can Barely Sing Even All By Myself:

"The Reflex" - Duran Duran

What a great song. And I have absolutely no idea what it means.

Sample lyric:
The reflex is an only child he's waiting in the park/
The reflex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark/
And watching over lucky clover isn't that bizarre/
Every little thing the reflex does/Leaves you answered with a question mark

"Abacab" - Genesis
This song makes "The Reflex" look positively lucid.

Sample lyric:
look up on the wall, there on the floor/under the pillow, behind the door
there's a crack in the mirror/somewhere there's a hole in window pane
do you think I'm to blame/tell me do you think I'm to blame

"Wild Side" - Motley Crue
Hair metal is THE genre for awesome songs with dumb lyrics. The Crue are no exception.

Sample lyric:
our father/who ain't in heaven/plead thy name on the wild side/
holy mary/mother may i/pray for us on the wild side
a baby cries/a cop dies/a day's pay on the wild side

"Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
This might be the filthiest song on my iTunes. And I have over 6,000 songs. But it also rocks. It's like the best Aerosmith song that Aerosmith never made.

Sample lyric:

Note: This is the most hilarious homemade video I've ever seen.

"Make Love Like A Man" - Def Leppard
This spot was almost occupied by "Pour Some Sugar On Me" until I realized that I can't in good conscience slam the lyrics when I have no idea what 75% of them are. Still, this list could easily be composed entirely of Def Leppard songs. I once saw an interview where Joe Elliott said that their lyrics are written to match the melody, not to make sense. It shows.

Sample lyric:
make love like a man/I'm a man/that's what I am
I'm the one/I'm Mr. Fun/I'm Captain Cool/and I've come for you

17 metawords:

Greta said...

OMG. That video with the TMNT and Snoopy is the best thing I've seen all day.

Anonymous said...

Duran Duran are the kings of awful, awful lyrics to catchy, catchy songs. :) I'm going to check out the Buckcherry now as I kinda like the one song I have by them. And I'm all about some smut.

red said...

I'm never embarrassed to sing anything. The dude who saw me singing BSB at the top of my lunges recently can testify to that.

Girl Interrupted said...

Every single one of those songs made me cringe :/

Personally ... I blame Phil Collins for EVERYTHING!

But the Buck Cherry vid was cool to watch ... i LOVE snoopy! :P

Cora said...

HAHAHA! I know what you mean about embarrassing yourself when no-one else is even there. Some songs will do that. The Reflex? DEFINITELY. Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood? OHHH YEAH. Anything by Prince? Yup.

~E said...

I can only sing and hold a note when Im singing along to a song. Otherwise I might as well be tone deaf.

Dr Zibbs said...

The reflex!!!!

Please never sing that.


Fancy Schmancy said...

You probably don't even want to know the songs I let go with when almost no one else is around. None of them are on your list... (Think Janice Joplin, Carole King, and Simon and Garfunkle.)

Gwen Gwen Banana Fo Fen said...

Funny, there is a song that I love but can't bring myself to sing much more than the chorus. I can't even type the lyrics. Here, check it out for yourself. It's catchy but filthy.

TishTash said...

Clearly that Genesis song is about a man refusing to call a real carpenter because he can DIY and is trying to convince his wife that the cracks in the mirror and the window pane "were there the ENTIRE time, honey!"


BeckEye said...

"The Reflex" is about sex. According to Simon LeBon, all of his songs were about sex. It's also my 2nd favorite DD song, next to "New Moon on Monday," which doesn't seem to be about sex, but probably is anyway. I wish it was about me having sex with John Taylor.

I love some Def Leppard but..."Make Love Like a Man?" Are you serious?? Eegads.

And "Abacab" is good but the best Genesis song to sing along to (and the best Genesis song, period) is "No Reply at All." Because, not only do you get to sing, but you get to make horn noises, play air drums, and do hand claps.

Prunella Jones said...

This is where we differ. I love to sing the cheesiest songs the most! Just try keeping me away from the karaoke machine when "Cherry Pie" is playing, or anything by Lionel Ritchie.

Prunella Jones said...

I bet you can sing the hell out of Bohemian Rhapsody, complete with head banging and operatic trills. Am I right?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

When we catch someone at a red light or driving in front of us singing away, my kids will say, "look mom, he's on stage."

And as for your post title, I did not expect it to be about singing. At. All.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

In the privacy of my own home and car I am a singing machine, but I cannot be stopped even when the song is very stupid so I make up my own lyrics.

words...words...words... said...

Greta and G.I.: Agreed. I'm a huge fan of Snoopy. Although it's rather disturbing to see him sing such lyrics. I'd expect that from Peppermint Patty.

Beckeye: It's impossible to slam just one Def Leppard song. They're all equally glamtastic and retarded. And thank you for not slamming Genesis. They're like the rock band version of the movie Titanic. Ridiculously successful, yet you can't find anyone who will admit to liking either of them.

Pru: In fact, you are right. Especially if I've had a few. After a few more, I even unleash my uncanny Mick Jagger impersonation.

Candy: Exactly as I intended :)

180|360 said...

I love Def Leppard. Now I'm going to spend the next hour googling their lyrics just for laughs. I never thought to do that before. Thanks!