Monday, April 6, 2009

The G-Chat Diaries, Vol. 4

If you are a sensitive, decent non-blaspheming reader, turn around right now and come back tomorrow.


If you are the person that calls the FCC when Janet Jackson shows a boob or someone drops the F-bomb,
go read Ziggy.


Seriously.


You might go to hell just for reading this.


I warned you.


Last chance.


I wash my hands of this.



Chatter X: Haha, I just went to Poobomber's blog and the Insultatron said "I caught Chatter X and Jesus
fucking!"

Me: OMG. You are way dirtier than me. SHAME.

Chatter X: Why?


Me: You were fucking Jesus!

Chatter X: I was young, and I needed the money!

Me: HE PAID YOU? You were Jesus' whore?!

Chatter X: Hahaha.

Me: Actually, I guess that makes you Mary Magdalene.


Chatter X: There has to be a t-shirt that says "I'm a whore for Jesus."


Me: See, I would think somebody as famous as Jesus would try to skip out without paying, like you should be
happy for it.

Chatter X: You're going to hell!


Me: I didn't do it!


Chatter X: Jesus is no welcher.

Me: So I'm going to hell for calling him a welcher, but you're not for fucking him for money.


Chatter X: I'm POOR!!! Fucking economy.

Me: I'm poor too, you don't see me fucking Mary.

Me: Okay, NOW I'm going to hell.


Chatter X: Hehe. "Am I going to hell yet?" "Wait...nnnnnnnnow you are."

Chatter X: I can't quite believe we're actually having this conversation.


Me: Me neither. I hope my aunt the nun isn't reading this.

Chatter X: hahahaha


Me: I think if I made this a "Chatter X" post the internet would blow up.

23 metawords:

Dr Zibbs said...

You had me at Ziggy. Seriously, I really need to go read what Ziggy has to say.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm back.

Yeah. It didn't take that long.

On the subject of Jesus, it reminds me of what Prunella Jones said on Girl Interupted's blog if there were a dinner party and Jesus were there: "Seat me next to him - Ive always wanted to know if I could seduce our Lord" .

I swear I've been thinking about that line all day. That girl is brilliant!

TishTash said...

It's the six-pack abs. Divine and cut? Holy hell, sign me up.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaa, this is effing gold.

Reserve me a seat on your minibus to hell.

Falwless said...

You chat with a bunch of freaks.

Ahem.

Girl Interrupted said...

Haha, good stuff, I'm sure Jesus would be secretly flattered.

I need to have more conversations like this

I'm much too pious for my own good

*smiles angelically*

Some Guy said...

I had an idea who you were chatting with while I was reading this and she all but confirmed it.

Poobomber said...

My blog always drives people to fucking holy people.

So what's this? Falwless is still alive???

red said...

You should just start revealing the name of Chatter X because it seems to be the same person lately.

(btw...it's my new goal to become Chatter X)

Cora said...

Ha ha ha! Hell will be worth reading that!

The Diva on a Diet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Diva on a Diet said...

I'm OK with going to hell - everyone I know will be there. Save me a seat.

words words words said...

To alleviate Red's concerns (and probably everyone else's)...this is the fourth G-Chat Diaries entry, and there have been three different Chatter Xs. So it's not the same person all the time.

Also, to increase everyone's chance at being America's Next Chatter X, please see the new Plugoo application on my blog sidebar!

red said...

I'm just saying, the last 2 have been the same person...I think...

Fancy Schmancy said...

I was watching Matchpoint last night and one of the characters said, "My father lost his legs, but he found Jesus" and the other one said, "It sounds like he paid too much". I love a good Jesus joke.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

See, Chatter X has it all wrong. Of course he'd try to not pay. Hello! King of the Jews!

Wait...too soon?

Soda and Candy said...

mjenks, you're better than that. don't do that.

Girl Interrupted said...

I'm considering sueing you for false advertising

It says, and I quote ... "Chat to WWW!" but you're either not online or the stoopid little widgety thing isn't working!!!

SO not amused!

words words words said...

You know, I DO have to work sometimes! Although not this time. as I was out at the post office.

Gwen said...

LMAO @ mjenks.

I've been incorporating the phrase "sweet deep-fried baby Jesus" into every possible conversation for about a week. There aren't many but I've managed to use it three times but once was to argue about whether or not fucking baby Jesus was worse than eating him. But I think it counts.

BeckEye said...

I would like to be featured in an upcoming installment of the G-String Diaries, please.

words words words said...

Beckeye: That really sounds more like Zibbs' bailiwick, but I'm more than happy to give it a go! Please arrive with a selection of g-strings and a bottle of ripple.

~E said...

Holy Crimoli. It's a good darn thing I didn't read this post when it was posted during freaking LENT!

And freaking Holy Week no less!

And I believe you when you said I'd probably go to hell just for reading...lucky for me I got myself all prayed up and holied before I commenced reading so I'm sure I'm good.

Right?

Right?

Oh crap.