Monday, November 3, 2008

Real Craigslist Personals, Plus One I Totally Made Up

Yes, they're all real and they're all spectacular. Except for the one I made up. I was going to put a funny note with each one but I realized that like a fine steak, they require no accompaniment. Enjoy!
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Please don't email me if you have nothing nice to say and only say don't move here. I am a US citizen and have the right to live where I so choose.

I won't fuck your friends

I have a membership at 2 video stores

no BBw please also no gay guys and any other freaks.

diner ready any wana share me it

LET'S GO BLOWING THIS WEEKEND

I am in a dead end marriage and don't know whether I should leave or not. I just don't know if this is as good as it gets or not. Are you better than her? Should I leave?

Please only read further if you have or have ever had a serious secret desire to receive an anal tonguing experience.

I am a good looking asian,5'10", 32 years old man looking for some chubby or little heavy girl (Not Black)

Hi there I am looking for a woman who is involved in recovery, I am an attractive and 6'2 200Lbs

i'm black & white, 5'10, love to play sports and dance. young ladies who were BORN a girl

i have a sneeze fetish. it turns me on to see women sneeze.. the wetter the better. if you would be interested in experimenting with this, or have done this before.. please email me.

we were married in the 70's I cannot find you

A bit about me --I'm not your "typical" WOMAN -- I'm not FAT, don't have herpes, and I sure as hell don't eat rice every day!

ive been single for a few weeks now so if you get me drunk, you'd probably get a blow job. just throwing it out there. send me a pic or a link to your myspace and ill send you mine. everyone has a myspace -- if you don't you're creepy!!!

I'm not your average Jewish girl; I am nice.

With this guy I don't want to have to worry about anything financial because he'll take care of. I mean that's wat there for right? I wanna kno wat its like to be treated like a princess

Have you ever had a PBR? Do you even know what one is?

Be discreet. Be loyal. Be sane. Be disease free. Be single. Be Drama Free. Be generous. Be humorous. Be Intelligent. Be height and weight porpotioned. Be oral. Be packing a 9" or more penis.

if you are interested in talking to someone depressed and lonely please send me a pic and i will send you mine.

Long walks on the beach, snuggling to some smooth jazz with my cats while reading a book, keeping up with what's going on in this world, hitting up the trendy new art gallery and going out for a cup of coffee are just some of the things I don't like do to. (Ed. Note: I almost wrote to this girl.)

UPDATE: To the guy who sent me an email saying only "Lets see if oyur interested", and then corrected himself sending another email saying only "Lets see if your interested (sorry)", I just want to let you know that it's actually "you're". Hopefully this helps in your future internet endeavors. (Ed. Note: This one too.)

Do you like persimmons?

Someone please save me!!!! All I really want is strong blk man's touch. I'm so tired of riding my imagination and masterbating it's pathetic

19 metawords:

beatnikchik said...

Two things:

1) You should respond to that girl's ad. She's funny.

2) Now I want to date via Craigslist. I expect to have great success because I am not so picky as to demand my ideal man be BORN a man. Jeez.

Poobomber said...

Dear lady(?) who has been single for a couple weeks now: tell me which is more creepy - not having a myspace page or sucking random people's cock for booze.

Dr Zibbs said...

These are great! I like the chick that says, "..if you get me drunk you'll probably get a blowjob."

Fancy Schmancy said...

Dear dead end marriage: I am better. You should leave.

Gwen said...

For the life of me, I can't figure out which one you made up. These are great. You really should write to the grammar girl.

Red said...

I want to go blowing this weekend!!!

Yeah, I don't know which one you made up either. You gonna tell us or what?

Rebecca said...

You made up the sneeze one.

Falwless said...

Nah he made up the persimmons one, I bet.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Well I mean, who isn't tired of riding their imagination these days?
(what?!)

Also, to the girl looking for a discreet, loyal, sane, disease-free, single, drama-free, generous, humorous, intelligent, proportional, oral, 9" dick...

HAHAHAHAHAHA - wow

You really think those exist?

BeckEye said...

I thought this was Falwless' schtick? Are you guys actually the same person, like Michael and Janet Jackson?

words words words said...

No, my nose is real.

Falwless said...

I CALL BEING MICHAEL!

Falwless said...

Beat you!

(Get it? Beat it? Beat you? Oh never mind.)

Falwless said...

Also, are you going to tell us which one you made up?

words words words said...

I made up the part about me making one up. They're all the real McCoy.

Lyla Lou said...

I sure as hell don't eat rice everyday!!

Hill.arious.

LYDIA said...

The anal tonguing is my favorite...

True story: I just barely learned with a PBR was a couple years ago.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I think I love you, and I can prove it. Please check my last post.

180/360 said...

I clearly have been reading the wrong shit lately.

Forget blogging- Craigslist is where it's at! I was trying to keep a running tally of my favorites, but they are all so good...