The Tweet Hereafter

According to an article in this month's National Geographic, Twitter is not new. Recent discoveries of records from the past indicate that people with short attention spans from previous generations were also able to tweet to their heart's content. Here is a sampling of some tweets that the research turned up:

Going 2 theater, BBL
- Abraham Lincoln

Got a new job...captain of an unsinkable ship! Just need ice for my drink and I'm all good.
- Captain Edward John Smith

IM winning by so much I can tweet during my race. Dude with gay mustache looks mad.
- Jesse Owens

We've heard the last from these doods. USA FTW!
- Gen. Norman Schwartzkopf

I WIN! Looking at carpet swatches atm.
- Thomas Dewey

Romans are hassling ppl, going to this garden Judas knows to chill and stay under the radar.
- Jesus

This stand will B my best yet!
- Gen. George Custer

Bunch of peeps in boats and funny hats came 2 call. Seem friendly. One is kinda hot.
- Pocahontas

Got a great spot to see Prez. One street sign in the way but it shouldn't matter much.
- Abraham Zapruder