Chatter X: Words, I think I'm becoming a hippie.
WWW: Oh no!
Chatter X: I know! I've started becoming CONCERNED about things.
WWW: That is never a good sign.
Chatter X: I KNOW!
WWW: If you ever get the urge to wear Birkenstocks or leave your pits unshaved, please contact me first.
Chatter X: I've already had that urge... I couldn't get past how fugly Birkenstocks are, though.
WWW: Good for you! If there is any medicine or therapy you can use to avoid hippie-ism, I will be happy to donate.
Chatter X: I...I bought a Burt's Bees sampler pack and I...I actually like it...*cries*
WWW: There, there. Words is here. Maybe you should avoid driving past Whole Foods when you are out and about.
Chatter X: *bursts into tears* I DON'T EVEN DRIVVVVEEEEEE!
WWW: THAT'S RIGHT. This is worse than I thought. You are in Stage 3 Hippie-ism.
Chatter X: It was all so subtle that I didn't even notice it sneaking in!! Oh God what have I done...
WWW: It's not too late!
Chatter X: But I...I have opinions about things now! How do I get rid of them?!?!
WWW: You should start watching lots of E!
Chatter X: I want to fix the hippie-ism, not fall asleep from boredom.
WWW: You're not making this easy. Perhaps you could eat at fast food restaurants.
Chatter X: Fast food, okay that's good, I could try that...
WWW: You could also leave all the lights on. And stop recycling.
Chatter X: I...I don't know if I can do that. The recycling can is just...so near the trash can.
WWW: Oh! You could also start buying clothes made by companies who use sweatshop labor.
Chatter X: I already do that! I'm not a total hippie!
WWW: All is not lost!
Chatter X: However...I have been seriously considering...making my own clothing...I'm just lacking time to do it...
WWW: Oh, for fuck's sake. Do you want to beat this or not?
Chatter X: *cries some more*
WWW: You might as well be playing an acoustic guitar under a tree.
Chatter X: Oh god! Why! Why did this have to happen to me?!
WWW: That's not important now. What's important is that you figure a way to get better.
Chatter X: *sniffle* Okay..yes. You're absolutely right. I can do this. I CAN do this.
WWW: You just need baby steps. The next time you go grocery shopping or to a restaurant, I want you to think of only one thing. "How can I most gratuitously harm an animal with my dining choices today?"
Chatter X: Okay. This is good.
WWW: And just remember...I am on your side.
Chatter X: Thank you, Words. You have no idea how much that means to me.
WWW: I'm so glad I can help.
WWW: Mostly because I don't bang hippies.