Monday, August 10, 2009

Fatiquette

A conversation I had over the weekend reminded me of this story, which I can't believe I've never written here about.

I was at a party thrown by the movie I'm working on. Usually there is a wrap party at the end of a movie, where they rent out a bar or a club and everything is free. But this movie also threw a "Halfway Party" since the movie is halfway finished. They can call it whatever they want if the food and liquor are free. Maybe "Bob".

Anyway, that's not what I came here to tell you. THIS is the actual story:

I'm in the bar area, and there are waiters passing around trays of appetizers. Suddenly, there appears in front of me this large, bulbous man who is grinning broadly and holding a chicken satay stick in each of his meaty paws. He nudges me and says, "Boy, this is heaven for fat guys, isn't it?"

I honestly had no idea what to say. I mean, I know I'm kinda fat. But it's an entirely different thing for another fat guy (who, I say in the interest of nothing but vanity, was clearly way fatter than me) to nudge you and talk to you like you're an old fraternity brother in Alpha Blobba Kappa.

Of course, I could always drop fifty pounds and avoid this sort of thing entirely.

12 metawords:

Cora said...

That kind of thing happened to me in high school. Some fat girl came up to me and said "fat girls like us..." blah, blah, blah. And I just stood there feeling stung. I swear it would have shocked and hurt me less if the girl had walked up and punched me!

By the way, there's nothing wrong with a man who has meat on his bones!!

Trinity said...

I am slightly overweight and would never think it ok to walk up to another plump guy and do that. It is wrong. Now, if someone came up and said, "This is heaven for us big wienered guys" then that would be ok.

Soda and Candy said...

Yeah, including a complete stranger in your own negative self-assessment... that's just not on.

Gwen said...

You should have come back at him with, "The jerk store called."

The Vegetable Assassin said...

A huge homeless man came up to me once, years ago, in the city and said, in total seriousness, "So honey, when's yo' baby due?" I must've weighed 130lbs, if that, at the time but I had this horrible swing coat on that hits your boobs then just hangs all triangular like. It really did look like you were hiding a bump. I was so mortified I said, "July!" and ran off. :)

Anyway, back to your story. Way to make you feel good, eh? Some people are so damn rude. And clearly delusional.

Morgan the Muse said...

Yeah, you could, but where is the fun in that? All you would have to do is exercise, eat right, and live better, and who wants to do that?

*says the girl who weighs 125 pounds. Hooyeah.

The Diva on a Diet said...

I commend you for not going upside his head with a chicken wing ... which, certainly, would have been appropriate.

Prunella Jones said...

My fav comeback remark for all insults lately is, "you know, there are pills for your kind of crazy."
Or else just a give the jerk a really withering look.

180|360 said...

WHATEVER! ;)

talesofawellfedgraphicdesigner said...

Nah, you just need to perfect your "I hate socializing" scowl so people assume you're going to rip them a new one if they talk to you. No dieting or exercising involved! lol

Girl Interrupted said...

You should've sent him home with a chicken satay stick up each nostril.

Raquel said...

This happened to my boyfriend when we were waiting to be seated at Five Napkin burger in Manhattan. Some random nutjob squeezed past us, thumped him on the gut and said "Need to lose a little weight eh bub?"

Boyfriend: *speechless*
Me: I will SHRED THAT MOTHERF%CKER!?
Boyfriend: No need. I think he might be crazy.

Sure enough, as he wandered past other patrons at the bar he would stop and whisper random things in their ears. Judging by their reactions he was saying some wildly inappropriate stuff. Before the staff had the chance to eject him, he skeedaddled on his own.