I was looking through the "My Documents" folder on my computer today, and there are some real gems that I've kept over the years. This is one of them.
I frequented a chat room a few years ago, and there was a character there who went by the screen name "Like an abaratar". He had very little grasp of spelling or grammar, but he was a Yogi Berra-esque master of unintentional humor and folksy wisdom. Back then I took some of his best lines, grouped them into categories and assembled them into a document that I sent out to the chat room. He saved me today, because I have nothing to write about and found humor is still humor. Enjoy!
Abaratar the Entomologist
Like an abaratar: if you take they wings off a butterfly and let i cral around it looks kinda like a little dinosoure\
He’s a Lover, Not a Fighter
Like an abaratar: bought a bottle of that new heated ky and a rose last week, didn't have the nerve to bring out the heeted lube its still in the rapper
Like an abaratar: true its not lying if your trying to get sex
Like an abaratar: explain this this, you get denied sex to wake up to her toughing her self, that one blows my mind
Like an abaratar: blame thursday night I got drunk started thinking about you, and signed up for aol
Like an abaratar: chics with low self asteem are easy to get in bed
Where is Plato When You Need Him?
Like an abaratar: is it a threesome if the cat is watching
Like an abaratar: I am home alone, thinking about having a jack and coke, but its 5 am , but I;ve been up all night so its really not morning , is it?
The Armchair Anthropologist
Like an abaratar: I would think that if some one peed on you it would meen they didn't like you, but what do I know
Like an abaratar: on tv today i saw chimpanzees that were tought to reed and right, and you that it sucked talking to indeans when you had problems with your aol service
Like an abaratar: ugly people have to mary ugly people and make ugly people and they are almost always poor
I Don’t Even Want To Ask About My Bike
Like an abaratar: how often do you see sexy people on a bus, but airports are full of sexy people
Sunday School with Abaratar
Like an abaratar: one got tossed for posting a link to goatse.cx in the muslim room and asking if it was a ligitiment muslim sight
Like an abaratar: and it couldn't be the christian right saying drive an SUV go to hell, born againers pop out almost as many babies as beeners, its either an suv or a bus to get the famalies back and forth to church
Like an abaratar: I was rraised baptist but, like to drink, and church is a strange place for a single guy
Take my Abaratar…Please!
Like an abaratar: Was at a bar with my dad bar ender asks "what would you like" dad says "a little pussy" bartender says " me too mines as big as a cows"
Like an abaratar: an old man sits down to breakfast his wife asks "why is there a suppository in your ear" he says " I think I know where my hearing aid is"
Like an abaratar: I have a wallett made out of the fourskinns of circumsized babies, its awsome, if you rub it it turns into a briefcase
Abaratar is From Mars, Women are from Venus
Like an abaratar: when I was in La I saw a big black cajin chic damn neer rape a little white man at a bar nobody tried to help him
Like an abaratar: dumb you are surronded by some pretty orrigional minds, even some of the girls in here are smart
Like an abaratar: talk to people kie you are trying to sleep with them, if they willsleep with you they will by fromyou
Like an abaratar: cock block- when the hot chicks fat friend rescuese her form you at a bar by not going away
The Gay Gourmand
Like an abaratar: crussonts are gay food (they are not gay whin stuff full of sausage and cheese though)
Like an abaratar: is the felet minyon a gay stake?
He Really Likes Dip
Like an abaratar: I learned that if you double dip in the dip you get all the dip to your self
Abaratar for Surgeon General!
Like an abaratar: if there is nothing worng with you they will make something wrong with you and they don't want to fix you because then you won't come back
Chat at Your Own Risk
Like an abaratar: now that makes sence, now I will IM famaly (I don't want them exosed to this place)
They Call Him “Kickstand”
Like an abaratar: actill I am happy befor I wake up
Like an abaratar: but it keeps me from rolling off the bed
My Sword is Loaded
Like an abaratar: does anyone know that peom about the two guys that stood back to back and pulled out there swords and shot each other
Can We Meet Halfway at Kahlua?
Like an abaratar: I hung in coffee bars with the pail types all nate as a youngster before I was old ennough for real bars, the people still pail and in coffee bars after 21 are just weird
No Wonder They’re So Good at Poker
Like an abaratar: nell, a horse has a better momory then a dog, it can remember a trail and were to turn many years after it has been there, but a dog has better problem solving skills
We Close With Some Advice That May Save Your Life
Like an abaratar: but when your girl frind ask why you go into chat rooms never say "for intelligent conversation)