Thursday, December 25, 2014

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer": A Deconstruction

It's a Christmas classic. But upon listening to "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" with adult ears, I have some questions.

1. "She'd been drinking too much eggnog and we begged her not to go. But she forgot her medication, and she staggered out the door into the snow."

Oh, you begged her not to go? You bunch of noble knights. You live close enough to Grandma that she, an old woman, can walk it - and nobody walks her home? Who ARE you people? Not to mention the fact that there is a Grandpa is mentioned in the song. Why was he staying and letting his elderly wife walk home in the snow?

2. "Should we open up her gifts or send them back?"

There are two ways to interpret this, and I must say that I don't care for either of them. One, you could be debating between sending her gifts back to the people who sent them and opening them up anyway. What use do you people have for gifts Grandma would receive? Is one of you short a Yankee Candle or a child's handmade shawl? Second, you could be debating between opening up the gifts or sending them back to the store for the refund. Grandma's death + gifts = profit??

3. "Now the goose is on the table, and the pudding made of figs."

You callous bastards are going through with Christmas dinner? Grandma's still warm, and you're celebrating?? I must say, as horrific as that sounds, it's entirely in keeping with the behavior on display in the rest of this song. Even her husband is drinking beer and playing cards! It sounds like this woman may have stepped in front of the sleigh, desperately seeking sweet relief from another Christmas with this bunch of jerks.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with your families, and my wish for you is that your families are caring enough that you will receive an elegy more loving than Grandma did.