Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Consumer Protection

Dear Prodigal Bloggers,

Like many of you, I was inspired to resurrect my comfortably hibernating blog by Scope of Scope-Tech and his Cyber Monday mass blogathon idea. Since the Golden Age of Blogging, this blog has been inactive for three and a half years (save for two one-off posts you can see below this one) before today's slapdash1 (and late) edition.

Quite a bit has changed for me in that time, and I currently find myself in Australia. Culturally, Australia is very much like the USA in many respects and quirkily dissimilar in some minor respects. For instance, a six-pack of average beer costs $20 here, which has caused a major reduction in both swearing at televised football games and my waistline.

One particularly jarring difference is that cigarette packs in Australia do not display the logo of the manufacturer. Instead, every brand very2 graphically displays photographs of the health problems that can befall smokers. The pictures are truly disturbing, which is why I will link them here instead of posting them directly so that you can choose to look or not.

That brings me (finally) to my post for today. I wondered, if cigarettes are required to warn you very graphically about the dangers of smoking, why should other dangerous products not be subject to the same requirements? In this spirit, my crude Photoshop skills and I bring you:

Horrific Consumer Protection Packaging
As always, click pictures to embiggen.

I'm not sure those baskets are big enough for this meal. In other news, I kind of want to go to McDonald's right now.

If any word ever screamed out for quotation marks, it is the "real" in Real Housewives.

This warning may prove ineffective if you are pursuing a Real Housewife or watch excessive3 amounts of MTV.

To be fair, even though gin tastes like a pine tree air freshener, this warning may actually increase my consumption.

1. Terrible
3. Any

12 metawords:

Dale said...

They do that with the cigarette packs here in Canada too but our pictures are a tad more polite yet no less horrific. I'm all for your proposal! Hilarious.

Mathdude said...

Laughed out loud - good posting!

Wizard Cat said...

Is that Deano on the Bombay Sapphire bottle? Sign. Me. Up.

MJenks said...

Stupid...I have to remember to switch accounts when going from checking email to commenting on blogs...

Anyway, well done, as always, my now Antipodean Friend.

Scope said...

If drinking Bombay would make me 1/2 as cool as Dean Martin, I'm all for that.

Soda and Candy said...

Hahaha, well done! Where in Oz are you?

Girl Interrupted said...

Oh, barfalicious!! And people STILL smoke over there? Crazy, Vegemite-eating loons.

I think it should be mandatory that all makers of booze should include a picture of Sir Dean of Martin on their labels. It's what Deano would have wanted.

I've missed your posts, so I'm really glad you took part in this challenge ... and that you got me involved too. It's been a blast :)

Cora said...

Dude, you're still in Australia?! How did I not know that? Clearly, my stalking skills are lacking. How embarrassing.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Hey I had a feeling you might still be in Oz! Did you relocate then for good, or is it a visit? Or is it REALLY a secret, espionage CIA type of deal? Ha! Anyway, I'm always glad to see you so hey!

words...words...words... said...

Thanks for the comments, guys! Yes, I am still in Australia, Adelaide to be specific. I arrived in July and was supposed to go back to California in October, but I'm still here. It's still up in the air where we'll wind up permanently, but my bet is that it will be here. I still have an apartment and a car and all that stuff in LA, so I'll be going back before too long, but it might be just to tie up those loose ends. We'll see!

Soda and Candy said...

aaahhh that is so exciting! <3

have you been to Hahndorf? That is the first place I ever ate a soft pretzel.

words...words...words... said...

I have! We went into the Adelaide Hills to do wine tasting. I didn't have a pretzel though :(