In a departure from previous installments of The G-Chat Diaries, I have redacted several statements from Chatter X to preserve the tattered remains of his/her reputation. If you would like to be featured in a future installment, just hit up WWW via the Plugoo chat application over there on the right!
Chatter X: I'm talking to you from an unsecured wireless network...is that bad? Can people see this?
WWW: No it just means there's no password for the network.
Chatter X: I'm totally stealing someone's internet.
Chatter X: So they can't see what I'm doing?
Chatter X: Unless they're some kind of brilliant hacker?
WWW: And also, if they cared.
Chatter X: Off to the porn sites! If my identity is stolen and my [Naughty!] are published somewhere, I'm killing you.
WWW: I'm okay with that.
Chatter X: Not afraid of death, eh?
WWW: We both know you're too lazy to travel 3,000 miles to kill anyone.
Chatter X: That's true.
Chatter X: Although, while I was there I could try to swing by that whatever festival to see [Shitty band Chatter X loves]. I get all the festivals confused.
Chatter X: It's not Bonnaroo.
Chatter X: Uhhh. [Expletive].
Chatter X: I hate when information falls out of my head.
Chatter X: YES
Chatter X: They're headlining Coachella this year.
Chatter X: Yes.
WWW: Was Jesus Jones unavailable?
Chatter X: [Shitty band Chatter X loves] is huge, what are you talking about?
WWW: Huge? Hmm. Moderately. Besides, I just don't like them at all. Despite the presence of [Chatter X’s stalkee].
Chatter X: Well, you're stupid.
Chatter X: That's my only retort.
WWW: It's an old reliable one.
Chatter X: POOL IS STUPID!
WWW: I like pool!
Chatter X: I know, I was quoting Jeff Winger. Oh, how I wish full frontal was allowed on NBC.
Chatter X: I'm very curious to [Trust me, you're better not knowing] what Joel McHale is packing.
WWW: I should interject here, in case this ever becomes a Chatter X post, that we are speaking about an episode of the delightful NBC comedy Community, starring Joel McHale as wisecracking ex-lawyer turned community college student Jeff Winger.
Chatter X: That's true. You know, I have this theory that they sort of named Joel's character after Bill Murray's in Stripes.
Chatter X: John Winger / Jeff Winger. They're both charming, wisecracking smartasses.
WWW: Hmm. Not Kip Winger?
Chatter X: Nah, not enough hair (chest and head) for that. And he never pirouettes.
Chatter X: It can't be Debra Winger, because Joel's voice isn't deep enough.
WWW: I think we've exhausted pop culture Wingers.