If You're Being Chased By a Mummy, You're a Cow.

Chatter X: "Moo" is inherently funny.

me: Cows are inherently funny. They are the quintessentially absurd animal.

Chatter X: We had this conversation once.

Chatter X: I think monkeys > cows.

me: Monkeys are a different vibe

Chatter X: But I believe it's a matter of taste. Manatees....also good.

me: Cows find themselves in situations. Monkeys make things happen.

Chatter X: I found that statement so funny I had to look down and stifle laughter. It's the seriousness with which you consider the comedic value of cows vs. monkeys that does it.

me: Hey, comedy is serious business. Cows are more Kafkaesque. Monkeys are like The Marx Brothers.

Chatter X: I completely went to the Marx Brothers = monkeys notion. But I couldn't come up with a good cow. Mr. Magoo?

me: Charles Grodin.

Chatter X: W. C. Fields as cow or monkey? Jack Benny is cow.

me: Fair warning. This chat may turn into another post. And W.C. Fields is a rooster. Monkeys are silly, not witty.

Chatter X: But cows aren't witty, either.

me: That's why he's a rooster.

Chatter X: Well, we're introducing new animals now?

me: Well, you can't boil every comedy trope down to a cow or a monkey, now. Let's not be silly.

Chatter X: We had a nice dichotomy going on.

me: They're not ends of a continuum. They're points on a graph.

Chatter X: I'm sticking to making mischief vs. having mischief thrust upon you.

Chatter X: If you get chased by a mummy, you're a cow. If you dress up like a mummy, you're a monkey.

me: Wow. That's very nearly profound.

me: That should be the blog entry title. "If You're Being Chased By a Mummy, You're A Cow"

Chatter X: Early Eddie Murphy was a monkey. Dr. Doolittle is a cow.

me: The Nutty Professor is definitely a cow. But Buddy Love is a monkey. Hmmm.

Chatter X: Eddie Murphy, cow or monkey?

me: Via the preponderance of the evidence - monkey.

Chatter X: Yeah, he's always going to be a monkey at heart.

me: Steven Wright is a cow. Mitch Hedberg is a cow. Richard Lewis has a cow for a mother and a monkey for a father.

Chatter X: Chris Rock is a monkey. I'm not feeling too good when I write that.

me: Why did you feel okay calling Eddie Murphy one then?

Chatter X: Oh, I did, then, too. It was naming two black comedians in a row and calling them monkeys that really pushed it up a notch. I'm Howard Cosell.

me: You're not Howard Cosell. You're okay with Jews.

Chatter X: He was an anti-semite?

me: No, he was actually Jewish, but I think he was self-loathing.

Chatter X: Aren't they all?

me: All of them except Barbra Streisand.

Chatter X: The woman who still gets stagefright?

me: Oh, please. Her ego couldn't fit through a garage door.

Chatter X: Yes, but she's self-loathing to the max, too.

me: It's an affectation.

Chatter X: You don't understand the modern jewess.

me: Now THAT would be a nice title. "Understanding The Modern Jewess"

Chatter X: Actually, you have a sizeable ego that you heap self-loathing upon.

me: Mine is compartmentalized though.

Chatter X: Hers could be, too. Why can't Barbra be complicated, too?

me: Because I hate her.

Chatter X: And we've just determined you have something in common with her.

me: That and we both have regular sex with James Brolin.