How I Suck In The Kitchen

Last weekend I was making macaroni and cheese and committed a grievous error. The proper procedure is to pour the macaroni mixture into the pan, lay down a layer of cheese, and then add the bread crumbs on top.

I was dividing my attention between the task at hand and a football game, and my absent-mindedness led to the bread crumbs being carefully layered on top of the macaroni mixture before the cheese went on. I was kind of screwed. You can't just add the cheese on top, because the bread crumbs, entombed beneath a layer of cheese, will get soggy instead of crispy. You can't just add the cheese and then more bread crumbs, or there will be altogther too many bread crumbs. And finally, it's practically impossible to pick up the bread crumbs by hand.

I was stumped.

Inspiration, however, soon struck.

I was vacuuming up stray bread crumbs on the floor when it came to me - if the vacuum picks up bread crumbs off the floor, it might pick them up off the macaroni! In the words of every terrible movie, it was just crazy enough to work. I thoroughly cleaned and disinfected the wand attachment (I added this part so I don't get fifty comments that say "ewwww gross!"), slid it on the vacuum, and went to town. It worked like a dream. Honestly. The macaroni mixture was just heavy enough to stay put while all but a few bread crumbs lost their grip and got sucked into the black hole of my Hoover (I added this part so I DO get fifty comments containing oral sex jokes.) The dish was saved!

The lesson? Don't watch football while cooking, kids. And add "vacuum cleaner" to the list of useful kitchen gadgets.


Edit: After posting this and reading it over, I realized that there will be LOTS more sex jokes about "disinfecting the wand attachment" than there will be about "getting sucked into the black hole of my Hoover".