I'm Very Good At It When I'm Alone

While I never sing in public, I frequently put on bravura performances in my car or in the privacy of my own apartment. Total showstoppers. I'm really quite talented when no one is looking or able to verify it.

But even when I am alone, I have trouble singing certain songs. If the lyrics are especially stupid, then I can barely get them out of my mouth. They're so inane that I even embarrass myself.

For your listening pleasure and horror, here are Five Songs I Can Barely Sing Even All By Myself:

"The Reflex" - Duran Duran
What a great song. And I have absolutely no idea what it means.

Sample lyric:
The reflex is an only child he's waiting in the park/
The reflex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark/
And watching over lucky clover isn't that bizarre/
Every little thing the reflex does/Leaves you answered with a question mark



"Abacab" - Genesis
This song makes "The Reflex" look positively lucid.

Sample lyric:
look up on the wall, there on the floor/under the pillow, behind the door
there's a crack in the mirror/somewhere there's a hole in window pane
do you think I'm to blame/tell me do you think I'm to blame



"Wild Side" - Motley Crue
Hair metal is THE genre for awesome songs with dumb lyrics. The Crue are no exception.

Sample lyric:
our father/who ain't in heaven/plead thy name on the wild side/
holy mary/mother may i/pray for us on the wild side
a baby cries/a cop dies/a day's pay on the wild side



"Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
This might be the filthiest song on my iTunes. And I have over 6,000 songs. But it also rocks. It's like the best Aerosmith song that Aerosmith never made.

Sample lyric:
&%$#@/*%&#/#@$%#&

Note: This is the most hilarious homemade video I've ever seen.


"Make Love Like A Man" - Def Leppard
This spot was almost occupied by "Pour Some Sugar On Me" until I realized that I can't in good conscience slam the lyrics when I have no idea what 75% of them are. Still, this list could easily be composed entirely of Def Leppard songs. I once saw an interview where Joe Elliott said that their lyrics are written to match the melody, not to make sense. It shows.

Sample lyric:
make love like a man/I'm a man/that's what I am
I'm the one/I'm Mr. Fun/I'm Captain Cool/and I've come for you