Road Trip Day 4 or: I've Never Been This High, Like, Ever

Sunday, 4/17:

After Branson, I wasn't sure if my next destination would be able to deliver the same fix of adrenaline thrills I'd become accustomed to.  But I forged on still, mindful that I had a blog to write and people less than 65 years old to see.  This was one of the shorter drives of the trip at 4.5 hours, and the most uneventful.  The only thing of value I learned on this drive was that I could get free wi-fi by parking next to a Starbucks.  If I went inside the Starbucks, I could even get coffee!  What a country!¹

Lo and behold, a giant arch in the skyline heralded today's destination.  No, not McDonald's.  It's none other than the proud home of Chuck Berry (and Fred Berry), shitloads of beer, and noted foul-mouthed blogger Gwen - St. Louis!  Like everyone else, my first thought upon getting to St. Louis was "I want to go in the Arch!I want to go in the Arch!I want to go in the Arch!" (Pretend that went on for five minutes without a breath.)  Oddly enough, despite the Gateway Arch's iconic status, it's only been open since 1967.  It's only been around a few years longer than I have, and despite my best efforts I am not anything close to an icon.

Even though you can't see me at all due to the overcast day, I've now officially posted a picture of myself.  Technicality!

According to a peer-reviewed academic refrigerator magnet I saw in the gift shop, the Gateway Arch is the tallest man-made monument in the United States.  It's taller than the Statue of Liberty, the Space Needle, the Washington Monument, and especially the "tall" size coffee I was too cheap to buy so that I could check my email at a table like a human person instead of in the front seat of my car.

Yep, that's pretty damn tall.  Check out the people having a picnic on that teeny-tiny pink blanket.  My attempts to spit on them were probably unsuccessful, because after a cursory introduction to Newtonian physics, I concluded that I was probably in Illinois before the spit landed.²

I finished up in St. Louis with a trip to the legendary Ted Drewes frozen custard stand to sample their specialty, the concrete.  Frozen custard with mix-ins (brownie and banana for me), the concrete is a cross between a milkshake and a sundae.  It's so thick that your server turns it upside down before handing it over.  Rumor has it that a Dairy Queen executive had one and stole the idea to create the Blizzard, but if that's true then DQ bungled the job with their inferior version.  This custard was extremely smooth and delicious, and I'm sad to report that it's much better than the frozen custard of my youth on the Jersey shore boardwalks.

After St. Louis, I headed somewhere that I hoped would prove to the the antithesis of Branson.  Where is that?  Well, you'll just have to find out tomorrow, won't you?

Miles today: 250

Miles total: 2005


1. I would like to think this is the first multi-day Yakov Smirnoff callback in the history of blogdom.

2. Also because the top of the Arch is enclosed in Plexiglass.